Someone had to write SOMETHING...

A Southern Baptist preacher and his wife wanted to get a dog, but they insisted that the dog be a Southern Baptist, too. They went looking at every pet store they could find, but couldn't find a dog that met their strange criteria. Finally, they found a man with a dog for sale that he insisted was indeed a Southern Baptist.

The preacher and his wife were skeptical. "Prove it," they demanded. So the man turned to the dog and said, "Ezekial, go fetch the Bible." The dog ran to the bookcase, scanned the titles, and pulled out the Bible. Then he ran back to his owner. "Now, find John 3:16" said the man. The dog licked his paw and started turning pages until he came to the third chapter of St. John. "OK, now find the 23rd Psalm" said the man. Again, the dog licked his paw and started turning pages back to the Old Testament until he came to the right page.

The preacher and his wife were amazed, and immediately purchased the dog. They took him back to their congregation and started telling people they had found a Southern Baptist dog. Their parishoners were unsure about the claims, so the preacher showed them how the dog could retrieve the Bible and turn to key scriptures. Everyone was amazed.

One parishoner, though, was still unimpressed. "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" he asked. "Well, let's find out," said the preacher. Turning to the dog, he said, "Heel!" Immediately the dog jumped up on a chair and whacked the preacher in the forehead with his paw.

"We've been cheated!" exclaimed the preacher. "He sold us a Pentacostal dog!"

Kids know their parents

Last week, when Melissa and Brad and their kids were visiting us in Pinetop, we took the kids for a walk around Edler Lake. As we reached the far side of the lake, we came across a little bench about 12 inches high - just right for little children. Four-year-old Owen sat down, and his little sister Lydia sat down beside him. He put his arm around her, looked up at his mother and said, "I'll bet you wish you had your camera right now, huh, Mom?"

Engrish Resson - Check Sperring

Be Courageous

How Men and Women are Different

My Dad's Dream Game!

My Life

Emily isn't feeling very funny right now (too much time with her parents, I think), so it has devolved upon me, her father, to post something now and then. Here is today's funny.

Who says Math is hard?

Wordless Wednesday

Too Odd!

These are actual buildings designed this way! I wonder what would happen if someone built their house to look like this! I want to do it - just to get the looks!

Wordless Wednesday... say what?

I have one of these... but I get dirty looks when I use it!

Monday Memories...A Fool in My School!

This is a memory that will surely make you believe I am a natural blonde! I was almost 16 years old and getting ready to get my driver's permit. I was taking a class at school with several people who were older than I was. I was a sophomore in High School at the time and the boy I sat next to was a junior, but had just taken the driver's test himself if I remember correctly. Well, he heard that I was going to take the written test that day after school so he gave me a few pointers on the "hard" questions. "OH, they have some trick questions on the driver's test." he said. "They ask what you should do if you see a person trying to cross the road carrying a white cane." "Really?" I asked. "What are you supposed to do?" "Well," he said, "the options say that you can either do nothing and proceed as usual; honk and wave; or give them the right of way." I was intrigued. "What is the right answer?!" I asked. "Wouldn't you know it" he said, "you are supposed to honk and wave, but since it is a trick question a lot of people get that one wrong - I know this one for sure because I missed it myself." I had no idea what carrying a white cane had to do with anything... but I was pretty sure it was a fashion faux pax after Labor Day! This boy told me about all of the trick questions. I couldn't believe my luck to have found someone willing to share his wealth of knowledge and especially so eager to help! I thanked my "friend" and went on to my other classes as usual. As I was taking the written driving test later that day I couldn't believe how easy it was! I had so many of the questions answered quickly, thanks to my tutor in 4th hour. I turned in my test, feeling confident in my answers and looking forward to an easy "PASS" from the DMV. Well, as you may have guessed, I failed miserably. I also learned a hard lesson that day! I found out that some people will disguise themselves as your friend and then laugh in your face. I am pretty sure I already knew that girls would do that, but this was the first time a boy had done this to me. In his defense, he said, "I didn't think you believed me!" See? BLONDE!

Easily Amused!

I am easily amused! Some may call it a simple mind. Some may say I have too much time on my hands. I call it trying to keep entertained while locking myself in the office to get away from my children. Whatever you call it - I am.

Something that amuses me is word verification letters. I know there is an actual term for these things - I remember reading it in the Reader's Digest several months ago... but of course, I can't remember because I have a simple mind. Anyway, these things crack me up! Of course, sometimes they are frustrating because you can't figure out what the letters are, but sometimes these thing-a-majiggers are just kind of funny. Try reading them out loud every now and then. I am actually going to start using some of these "words" in normal conversation. I think this is a good one when you feel like

someone:

Or how 'bout:

And then there are some of them that sound like medical terminology.... that way you can sound smart even if you don't know what the crap you are talking about. "Did you hear Helen was recently diagnosed with recalkea so she had to have a reducksl on her ingestr? Yeah, I am totally serious!"


Then, of course, is my favorite use for word verification - Baby Names! No need to buy baby name books anymore or search endlessly on the Internet for a new idea - try leaving a comment on your favorite person's blog and see what comes to you. Here are a few I like:




It even works if you want your child to sound important:


(it's Hawaiian for "Island Princess Goddess"... or is it?!)




Anyway... those are just a few of the random simple thoughts I had today.

World's Worst Laugh... copied from Ali's blog

Does anyone speak French? I am wondering what is so funny! (then again, with construction guys it might not be decent, right?!)

Friends and Family

Wordless Wednesday...happy endings

My Pet Peeve!

I am not one who has many pet peeves.... I think "Peeve" is a great name for a pet, though... so don't be surprised if I use it someday if I ever have a pet...which I hope I don't. Anyway, I can't rattle you off a list of the top 5 things the "irk" me... but I can tell you one thing that does FOR SURE - and that is talking on the phone to a computer! It drives me NUTS! A while ago I was needing some information from my bank so I called them, only to be answered by a computer that wants me to talk back to it. I was in the car with my screaming children (I know... bad... but I was pulling over into a parking lot at the time I made the call, so...) Here is a little of how the conversation went: Welcome to the (fill in your bank's name here) customer help line, for English, say "English" (and of course then the Spanish option, which I don't know how to type, so I won't pretend I do!) It then wanted me to enter or say my account number. That was easy enough... I could enter it in on my phone, but then came the hard part - the speech access - and there is no more typing in your options at this point. The computer asks which account I am needing to access and I say "checking", but because all of my kids are screaming the computer thinks I am speaking another language or something because it keeps asking me to repeat that. Then it assumes I said "savings" and asks, "Now you want savings, is that correct?", to which I answer promptly with a NO! I then hear, "OH, I am sorry, let me start over... which account would you like to access?" And then the same thing happens again! I decide that it is impossible to speak to anything like this when kids are around! I get out of the car and stand by it in the parking lot... but there is so much wind and a lot of cars going by, so it can't understand a word I say! (those computers are SO sensitive to any sound!) I go round and round in the same fashion until I get frustrated and hang up. This same scenario has happened so many times!! So you might think that I should do my important calls at home, but the same thing happens at home, also! Why is it that kids don't ever listen to you unless they hear that you are speaking to someone on the phone!? They couldn't care less if I am around most of the time, but the minute I need to make an important call they act as if they haven't seen me in months... screaming and crying unless they can sit on my lap (all at the same time) and have all of my attention. I have tried locking myself in a room - and the stupid voice computer can't tell what I am saying over the horrific screams and poundings on the bedroom door. I have tried going outside for peace and quiet, but the dumb trains and air force jets going by every 30 seconds make that a hard place to speak, too - and of course, the kids follow me out! So, I found that if I just sit in my parked car in the driveway without my kids, it works... well, ONCE it did, anyway - until my kids caught on to where my hiding place was! So... what I have concluded, is there IS no chance for peace and quiet as a mother - and that does NOT work with some technology!

Monday Memories...My Spontaneous Grandma!

This is a picture of my dear, sweet Grandma and Grandpa (whom I love dearly, by the way!) Anyone who knows my Grandma knows that she is one fun and "full of life" lady, who is always doing something spontaneous.

This memory happened back when I was about 14 or so (I can't say exactly, but I am pretty sure it was around that time). My whole family was up in the White Mountains of Arizona for a get together of some sort and we were attending a parade down town. Anyway, as the parade went by, we noticed several people carrying big banners down the street with words on them like "best of..." and "VIP of the town" and so forth. Well, a few of these signs had nobody walking behind them (like the person had not shown up for the parade I am assuming), so my sweet Grandma JUMPED up and ran out to the middle of the street and started "strutting her stuff" behind one of the signs! I honestly remember just DYING of laughter - trying not to pee my pants right there on Main Street!

A Mother's Life...

In honor of Mother's Day... a classic!

This is a funny one!

I hadn't seen this before so I thought I would post it. I think it's worth a short little watch! Keep on laughing!

A conversation with my two year old...

This is a conversation I had while putting my 2 year old daughter, Staci, to bed the other night:

"Momma, I want you to sing me Little Bite"

"What? I don't know what song that is, Staci!"

"Yes, Momma, Little Bite! Little Bite! I want to sing Little Bite!"

"OK, well you are going to have to sing it to me so I can know what song you are talking about, Staci!"

OK, Momma!

(then to the tune "Lullaby and Good Night" she sings, "Little Bite, Little Bite, Little Bite, Little Staci!")

Monday Memories... Out of creative blog titles.

I love music. I started listening to the radio at a very young age, and have a memory for almost every 80's song I hear. As a child I had the privilege of walking by the KZZP radio station every day on my way to and from school... yeah, I was pretty cool! Most days I would go inside on my way home from school and try to become friends with anyone I could - and grab a big stack of bumper stickers to put all over my room. I called the radio station to request songs to friends, boyfriends, even just to say Happy Birthday to friends and try to get them to put it on the air. My next-door neighbor worked for the station and one year she gave me movie premier tickets to see "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation". It was really awesome because it fell on my birthday and I got to take a bunch of friends with me. Anyway, I loved KZZP for life.... well, until they went all hip hop on me... and then we moved. But now they aren't hip hop anymore... so if I lived around there I would probably still listen to them. Anyway, am I rambling?

I must have been about 10 or 11 years old when KZZP decided they would call a random number each day and if the person on the other end answered the phone saying, "KZZP is my number one hit music station" they would win $1000. Well, $1000 to a kid is a TON of money - hey, who am I kidding, $1000 to me now is a TON of money, but I was so sure they were going to call my number that I answered EVERY call we received at our house that way! I think it was probably geared towards calling people at work, and during work hours I am pretty sure. I am also pretty sure that if they would have found out a 10 year old answered that way, I wouldn't qualify for the money anyway... but I didn't think about those things then. All I could see was how much I wanted that money! So, I answered that way - and I did it for several months if I remember correctly. It usually caught the person calling for my mom or dad on the other end of the phone off guard, but I could usually get a laugh out of them when I quickly explained myself. I don't know - I am SO weird!

This video may come in handy to many people at this time - especially during the hardships of the economy right now. In fact, if everyone would have just watched this and learned, perhaps we wouldn't even be in the situation we are!! I know I have really learned a lot from it!

ummmm.....

Unless, like me, you HAVE to clean because the entire house is covered with vomit, not to mention every blanket and towel we own. Sorry, it's gross..... but it's true!

I can't laugh about it yet, but maybe you can

Emily, I thought I would add this one from my last couple of days

Last week, I got a great deal on 40 pounds of frozen chicken breasts packed in 10 pound bags. I put a bag in the fridge to thaw. Being the food scientist that I am and after teaching too many food safety classes, I really hate dealing with raw meat. I always imagine the germs everywhere. Anyway, I double bagged it and put it on a plate while I went to my parents' house overnight. We woke up Sunday morning to a huge mess. Raw chicken juice had leaked down the bottom 4 shelves/drawers of the fridge and had settled into a sticky, frozen mess. I spent hours cleaning it up and used up 1/2 a bottle of Lysol disinfectant, but at least the bottom part of the fridge was clean.

You may think that all was well with the world after that, but there is more. I brought some frozen hamburger back from my parents and accidentally left it in the car overnight, but it was still partially frozen so I put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Just as I was feeding the a kids lunch, which is like feeding time at the zoo, I opened the fridge to get ketchup and found the hamburger had leaked too!!!! This time it was from the top shelf and all down the sides and every shelf/drawer. AHHHHHH!! I thought I few choice words. (ok, maybe a lot of choice words) I yelled at the kids to hurry and get out of the kitchen, which I do feel bad about since it wasn't their fault and spent the next hour cleaning up dried blood with McKay attached to my leg.

Good thing I still had the other 1/2 of the bottle of Lysol. I hope you can laugh at this. Maybe I'll join you tomorrow. I also have a really clean fridge.

Update: As if I haven't learned and actually cooked the meat, my husband put a big platter in the fridge that didn't really fit, so he jammed it in. I found yesterday that the stupid hamburger had leaked again!!! I think someone is trying to tell me something!

Am I going to laugh at this someday?

For the last few days you may have been wondering where I have been. I have been SICK! And not in a cool "man, you are SICK!" kind of way! I am sorry... and I won't go into detail - but let's just say that we had the first child start with the stomach bug, and within a few hours ALL 5 of us had it! That means that my hubby and I were both puking, while all three kids were. I definitely DON'T recommend doing it this way, for any of you who were wondering. It makes for a LOT of clean up. I am feeling about 50% better now, so expect about 50% more posts to this blog coming up. Anyone feel like taking my place (since this is a GROUP blog) FEEL FREE!

Arrrrr you kidding me?

...and to go to this church is absurd!

I understand that there is a war between the church marques, and perhaps by making them interesting you may snatch up some wanderer looking for answers... but this is ridiculous! Hey, don't get me wrong, I like pirates just as much as the next 30-something stay-at-home-mom who is totally out of touch with reality.... especially the Johnny Depp kind of pirate, but they have no place on a church billboard! Am I wrong?

Oh, how true it is!

Just a question for ya...

Would the ocean be deeper if sponges didn't live there?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

So, what's the speed of dark?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?


Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?


Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?


If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?


Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?


Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"


Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?


If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?


Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?


Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.


How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?


If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?



Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do people drive in parkways and park in driveways?

Wordless Wednesday...starting younger and younger these days

Maybe I was super tired, but this just made me laugh SO hard! I am weird, though!

Monday Memories... School Pictures!

All I can say about this week's memory is that I LOVED my school picture this particular year. This was 9th grade, and of all the pictures I'd ever had (mostly horrid, by the way), this one was the BEST because my hair turned out PERFECTLY! Of course I have to acknowledge my family for putting up with me hogging the bathroom for 2-1/2 straight hours! I also couldn't have done it without a hair dryer, curling iron and a full can of Aqua Net (A shout out to all of my Eighties Ladies! Woop Woop!) Gotta love the shoulder pads in the shirt, too! By the way, look for an upcoming "worst school picture" contest. Get yours ready, 'cause there's gonna be a prize! (I don't know what it will be yet... but it's gonna be GREAT!) Keep on laughing!

Most of my family has probably already seen this video... but for those of you who haven't, it is worth the watch! Hopefully you'll find yourself cracking up like I did! This bird has more rhythm than a lot of people I know!

http://www.maniacworld.com/bird-loves-ray-charles.html

This is how I feel today... heck, who am I kidding - this is me EVERY day!

(except for the whole swinging on a swing in a nightie thing!)

Sometimes it's not just as easy as ABC...

Here is a video of my Natalie right about the time she turned three years old. I love this video!

Dreams can come true!

I found this link from Britain's Got Talent. I don't know if it is really that funny, but it is really sweet and will bring a tear to your eye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Sorry that I still didn't make it a direct link, I still not sure how to make it work.

Hope you like it!!

Wordless Wednesday...happy tax day!

The Things Some People Say...

This quote was said by my friend Ashley when a group of us were sitting around talking. Enjoy!

Ashley: "I really need some extra money."

Darson: "Well, you could always sell your plasma."

Ashley: "Umm, seriously Darson...I don't even have a tv."

:) I hope you got a laugh out of it, because I did!

Monday Memories... My worst date! (or at least one of them!)

Thanks to my friend, Delaney, for suggesting I pick my brain for funny stories from my single adult dating life. Pretty much anyone who has ever played the "dating game" knows that there has to be several embarrassing things happen in those few years... or in my case, several years. I remember a time when I lived in Flagstaff, while attending Northern Arizona University (for 6 months), and ultimately waiting to meet my hubby. The "pickens" were kind of low there at that school. There was a certain guy, however, who LOVED to date!! His motto was, "Seven days without a date makes one WEAK!" Well, I guess he had to meet his quota for the month, so he asked me out. He was 100% cowboy! He wanted to drive down to Sedona from Flagstaff by taking the old roads through Oak Creek Canyon (or perhaps I don't remember what road it was... but it was a DIRT road and completely crazy - my dad informed me in a comment on this post that Oak Creek Canyon road is not bad... so that must not have been it! anyway... I don't know the name of the road I guess...) to attend the town country swing dance. Sure, I liked to dance, so it sounded fun... until I saw the road we had to take! I have always been one with a low-tolerance for motion. I get car, plane, boat, roller-coaster, or any other "object in motion" sick. The roads were only the width of one car, with one side of the road touching the mountain, and the other side plunging over a cliff. There were also the curviest roads I had personally been on, and this guy must have had every curve memorized, because he didn't slow down for even one of them. Let's just say that by the time we got to the dance, I was EXTREMELY sick! Anyway, I tried to be a good sport, but this was a SWING dance, and this guy liked to "swing his partner ROUND and ROUND," (until she vomits on the ground!). I remember the dance was full of odd middle aged men, and women who seemed to have been happy to just "catch" one of them! I had to take a breather, and sit out a few songs. My date had apparently not seen the green in my face, so he just continued dancing. I remember that he danced with pretty much every other person there! I watched and watched for probably a good hour and a half, and then asked if we could leave. I was still so sick. Well, I convinced my date to just take the regular highway home (it was MUCH faster and straighter) but somehow he managed to curve and swerve just enough that I couldn't take it any more. I told him that he was going to have to pull over... and just in time, he did! I leaned out of the truck and threw up all over. I had to have him pull over another couple of times on the trip home. He never asked me out again!!! Good thing, too, because I never wanted to go to a country swing dance again!!

Beware of Identity Theft this Easter!!

Watch for Imposters!