Saturday, February 28, 2009

Maybe this man needs to seek the help of Pres. Obama...

This is a real newspaper article printed in a small local paper near Tucson, Arizona. I found it back about 10 years ago and filed it away, and just remembered it this week. It is hilarious!!

Man denied reimbursement for cat eaten by coyotes

by Howard Fischer
Capitol Media Services

PHOENIX- Arizona taxpayers aren't going to fork out $328.21 to a Marana man who discovered too late a law of nature: Coyotes are higher on the food chain than house cats.

Members of the state Game and Fish Commission told Wallace Burford Friday that they were indeed very sorry that one or two of the state's approximately 250,000 coyotes had killed his cat. And, they said, they were sure that the amount he sought - the cost of moving Jake the cat to Arizona two years ago, getting his shots and, eventually, cremating what the coyotes left behind - would not truly compensate him for his loss.

But no, they said, it is not the responsibility of the state of Arizona to reimburse him for the actions of wild animals.

The commission's unanimous decision left Burford, who brought the ashes of Jake to the meeting in a small plastic box, less than satisfied. He said his next step will be to file suit in small claims court - and maybe even move out of the state.

"He was no ordinary cat," said Burford, saying Jake would walk with him "just like a dog." Burford said he paid to have Jake flown out here from Virginia when the family moved to the Tucson area in May 1999, concerned the cat would not like the cross-country trip.

But no one told him to keep Jake indoors. Days after the cat arrived, Burford found it - or what was left of it - beside the road.

Burford suggested warning signs for newcomers. But commissioner Sue Chilton said it's not that simple.

"It would be well if they were informed of a lot of things," she said, including scorpions and rattlesnakes, all sorts of things they may not have had back in Virginia. But failure to do that doesn't make the state liable, she said.

Burford also questioned why the state doesn't feed the coyotes "so they're not eating people's cats."

"Our policy is not to feed wild animals," responded commission Chairman Dennis Manning.

"We are deeply sorry," commissioner Hays Gilstrap told Burford. "However, this is not without precedent - that these sorts of things happen to domestic cats and dogs."

Burford got no support for his claim from the Sierra Club, which has sometimes found itself at odds with the hunting and fishing crowd. Sandy Bahr, the organization's lobbyist, said the club opposes using tax dollars to pay when a wild animal kills something that isn't native, whether that be a calf or a cat.

Friday, February 27, 2009

My Favorite Picture...

Remember when you needed a good picture, so you would take about a hundred and hope that when you developed them, one of them would turn out well enough to put in a wedding invitation? Well, I do! And THIS is what we got. No, this is not the one we put in the invitation, but we have SEVERAL that are almost this bad! (not the photographers fault, by the way.... she was great!) I have never shown this picture to anyone, but since I have decided to laugh at myself more as part of this healing humor blog... here it is: My favorite picture of the hubby and me. I can honestly say that I am SOOO thankful for the digital camera!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

No words for this one...

This is probably one of the strangest things I have ever seen. Basically, Peeps at the Public Library. Yeah, Peeps, the marshmallow treats you get at Easter, that I usually hate, but sometimes will eat if they are nice and stale. Bizarre! You can see all of the crazy pictures here if you really have nothing better to do. Surely, you do.
Arriving to the library in style
Checking out the computer system first to find the book they are looking for
Catching up on some light reading
Xeroxing their rear-ends on the copy machine
Realizing that wasn't a good idea
Getting a lecture about obeying library rules
"Don't do it, Francine!"
Luckily, her head can just be smooshed back on.
A pee-ing Peep? (I wonder if she saw the hidden camera)
Bye, for now! Come back real soon, ya hear!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

This is how I feel today...

I am all funnied out for the day. Your turn. Anybody want to make me laugh? Anyone? By the way, if you want to be a contributor on this blog, leave your email address in the comments. (I am speaking as though there is anyone who looks at this blog). Even the people who are named as contributors don't look at it. Oh well, it makes ME search for humor in my day, and that is a good thing, right?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

For Sale!

Here are a few of the random items you can actually purchase. I don't know how people come up with the ideas for some of these!
Inflatable moose head
I need this shirt!!

I DON'T need this shirt - gross!

Sponge Microphone - "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!" (That's for you, MOM!)

Sick and cool at the same time

These would make a great gag gift!
"My lips hurt real bad!"

Only $69.99 on - a small price to pay for such pleasure!
Nothing says "Squeaky Clean" like the taste of bacon!
"YOU ARE HERE" doormat


Voodoo Doll toothpick holder.

Monday, February 23, 2009

Monday Memories...

To help me come up with funny things for this blog, I decided I would go to my memories. I have a whole mind full of embarrassing things that have happened to me... not to mention plenty of stupid decisions that I can laugh at NOW! So, for starters ladies and gentlemen... one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me!! It was 1999 and I was working at R&K (see a few posts ago for how I felt about that job!) It was my last day (or so I thought... I ended up working there again a year later after I was married, and then again when Jackson was almost a year old - third time's a charm!) Anyway, I was going through a really hard time, and was seeking a new life in a new town. As a joke for my last day, a few of my fellow door shop employees got together and hired me a stripper. Nope, I am not even kidding! Unfortunately, they all knew me well enough to know I wasn't the "Molly Mormon" I sometimes came across as, and they knew I wouldn't get offended! Anyway, he came in acting like a customer and had me take him out to the shop where our doors were located. As I was walking out, a girl that I worked with handed me an envelope full of one dollar bills and told me that I would be needing those. Ummmm... I didn't have any idea why (and let it be known that I did not use even ONE of those dollars!) Anyway, after talking to me for a bit, the fake customer/professional stripper sat me down, turned on some music, and told me what he was there to do. At that point I looked over and saw close to a hundred of my fellow workers watching me! (seems the word got out that there was a stripper in the door shop and people came running from every department.) In this first picture I am trying to talk him out of doing this. I explained that I was a good girl and didn't want him to do this. He told me that he had been paid to strip and he was going to. By this point I was about to throw up. Looking back I should have walked away, but I didn't know what to do! Anyway... here are a few priceless pics that someone snatched of the event. After this happened, R&K (which was LDS owned and had many LDS employees) put a "No strippers at work" clause in their handbook - up until this happened they didn't know they needed one!!
"This is not happening! This is NOT happening!"

Sunday, February 22, 2009


Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer ledge, dock florist. Disc ladle gull orphan worry ladle cluck wetter putty ladle rat hut, end fur dish raisin pimple caulder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.
Wan moaning Rat Rotten Hut’s murder colder inset, “Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter end shirker cockles. Tick disk basking tudor cordage offer groin murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake, dun stopper laundry wrote, end yonder nor sorghum stenches dun stopper torque wet strainers.”
“Hoe cake, Murder,” resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, end tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft. Honor rote tudor cordage offer groin murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof.
“Wail, wail, wail,” set disk wicket woof, “Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut! Wares oar putty gull goring wizard ladle basking?”
“Armor goring tumor groin murders,” reprisal ladle gull. “Grammars seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter end shirker cockles.”
“O Hoe! Heifer blessing woke,” setter wicket woof. Butter taught tomb shelf, “Oil ketchup wetter letter. End den – O bore!”
Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, end whinney retched a cordage offer groin murder, picket inner widow end sore debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh disk abdominal woof lipped honor betting adder rope. Zany pool dawn a groin murder’s nut cup end gnat gun, any cordle dope inner bet.
Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft adder cordage offer groin murder end ranker dough ball.
“Comb ink, sweat hard,” setter wicket woof, disgracing is verse. Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rum end stud buyer groin murder’s bet.
“Oh grammar,” crater ladle gull, “wart bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice.”
“Buttered lucky chew wiff, doling,” whiskered disk ratchet woof, wetter wicket small.
“Oh grammar!” crater ladle gull. Water bag noise! A nervous sore sausage anomalous prognosis!”
“Buttered small hue whiff,” inserter woof, ants mouse worse waddling.
“Oh grammar, water bag mousey gut! A nervous sore suture bag mouse!”
Daze worry on forger nut gulls less warts. Oil offer sodden throne offer carvers end sprinkling otter bet, disk curl end bleat Thursday woof cease pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut end garbled erupt.
Mural: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet strainers.

- Everett Cooke

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I have to admit...

I love reading church billboards! Here are some great ones. The fourth one down kind of hit home with me!

Friday, February 20, 2009

Fun with Meat...

Here are a few things I've found recently that made me laugh

Bacon Vs. Soy action figures - AWESOME!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Q: What do you give a dog with a fever?

A: Ketchup and Mustard are the best things for a "hot" dog.
(This joke brought to you courtesy of Jackson, 7 years old.)

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

When in doubt... laugh at the expense of others

My sister has a little bit of a "trailer trash" phobia. (By the way, the above picture is not of my sister... ) She won't hang car air fresheners from her rear-view mirror or eat cheese from a can. I, on the other hand, have learned to embrace the role of trailer trash, and I have to tell ya, it's really not that bad. In fact, I would almost call it "liberating". So, to honor my fellow "trashies" (as only I call them) here is a little humor for ya.

"Trophy" Wife

"Cup holder"

No horse power
Redneck jet ski

How to throw a trailer trash themed party – By the way, I am TOTALLY throwing this party someday!!

Send unique invitations. Incorporate details such as the date, time and place to reflect your Trailer Trash theme. For example, write the invites on old newspapers and say funny things like, "clothing, teeth and mullet optional."
Prepare Trailer Trash food and drinks. Lay out a spread of pork rinds, chips, dips, Vienna sausages, cheese curls, Spam and squeeze cheese. For beverages, a keg of rootbeer is a necessity, as well as trash can punch.
Play the right music to set the mood. Make some mix CDs to play during your Trailer Trash themed party that include country music, southern rock, John Cougar Mellencamp, Springsteen, Van Halen, Black Sabbath, Kid Rock or any music that says "Trailer Trash" to you.
Decorate your home in the Trailer Trash theme. Cover the windows in aluminum foil and old cartoon character sheets. Put Christmas lights up around the front porch. Hang a clothes line covered in old, holey socks, t-shirts, bras and underwear. Posters of swimsuit models and race cars are a good touch as well.
Wear the perfect Trailer Trash costume. Do your hair in a big style, in curlers or a mullet. Women can wear heavy, cheap eye makeup and lipstick. Other good costume pieces include tacky jewelry, caftans, dirty acid-washed jeans, cut offs, old white tank tops, visible underwear, bandannas, cowboy hats, big belt buckles, anything made of lycra, sparkly kitten sweatshirts and alcohol promotional t-shirts and hats.
Organize Trailer Trash games and entertainment. Have a male wet t-shirt contest, a spitting contest and an obligatory chugging contest. Have your guests vote for the king and queen of the trailer park. Set up a TV and play videos of Jerry Springer, Cops, NASCAR and hunting shows.