Thursday, April 30, 2009

Unless, like me, you HAVE to clean because the entire house is covered with vomit, not to mention every blanket and towel we own. Sorry, it's gross..... but it's true!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I can't laugh about it yet, but maybe you can

Emily, I thought I would add this one from my last couple of days

Last week, I got a great deal on 40 pounds of frozen chicken breasts packed in 10 pound bags. I put a bag in the fridge to thaw. Being the food scientist that I am and after teaching too many food safety classes, I really hate dealing with raw meat. I always imagine the germs everywhere. Anyway, I double bagged it and put it on a plate while I went to my parents' house overnight. We woke up Sunday morning to a huge mess. Raw chicken juice had leaked down the bottom 4 shelves/drawers of the fridge and had settled into a sticky, frozen mess. I spent hours cleaning it up and used up 1/2 a bottle of Lysol disinfectant, but at least the bottom part of the fridge was clean.

You may think that all was well with the world after that, but there is more. I brought some frozen hamburger back from my parents and accidentally left it in the car overnight, but it was still partially frozen so I put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Just as I was feeding the a kids lunch, which is like feeding time at the zoo, I opened the fridge to get ketchup and found the hamburger had leaked too!!!! This time it was from the top shelf and all down the sides and every shelf/drawer. AHHHHHH!! I thought I few choice words. (ok, maybe a lot of choice words) I yelled at the kids to hurry and get out of the kitchen, which I do feel bad about since it wasn't their fault and spent the next hour cleaning up dried blood with McKay attached to my leg.

Good thing I still had the other 1/2 of the bottle of Lysol. I hope you can laugh at this. Maybe I'll join you tomorrow. I also have a really clean fridge.

Update: As if I haven't learned and actually cooked the meat, my husband put a big platter in the fridge that didn't really fit, so he jammed it in. I found yesterday that the stupid hamburger had leaked again!!! I think someone is trying to tell me something!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Am I going to laugh at this someday?

For the last few days you may have been wondering where I have been. I have been SICK! And not in a cool "man, you are SICK!" kind of way! I am sorry... and I won't go into detail - but let's just say that we had the first child start with the stomach bug, and within a few hours ALL 5 of us had it! That means that my hubby and I were both puking, while all three kids were. I definitely DON'T recommend doing it this way, for any of you who were wondering. It makes for a LOT of clean up. I am feeling about 50% better now, so expect about 50% more posts to this blog coming up. Anyone feel like taking my place (since this is a GROUP blog) FEEL FREE!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Arrrrr you kidding me?

...and to go to this church is absurd!
I understand that there is a war between the church marques, and perhaps by making them interesting you may snatch up some wanderer looking for answers... but this is ridiculous! Hey, don't get me wrong, I like pirates just as much as the next 30-something stay-at-home-mom who is totally out of touch with reality.... especially the Johnny Depp kind of pirate, but they have no place on a church billboard! Am I wrong?

Friday, April 24, 2009

Oh, how true it is!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Just a question for ya...

Would the ocean be deeper if sponges didn't live there?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

So, what's the speed of dark?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do people drive in parkways and park in driveways?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Maybe I was super tired, but this just made me laugh SO hard! I am weird, though!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Monday Memories... School Pictures!

All I can say about this week's memory is that I LOVED my school picture this particular year. This was 9th grade, and of all the pictures I'd ever had (mostly horrid, by the way), this one was the BEST because my hair turned out PERFECTLY! Of course I have to acknowledge my family for putting up with me hogging the bathroom for 2-1/2 straight hours! I also couldn't have done it without a hair dryer, curling iron and a full can of Aqua Net (A shout out to all of my Eighties Ladies! Woop Woop!) Gotta love the shoulder pads in the shirt, too! By the way, look for an upcoming "worst school picture" contest. Get yours ready, 'cause there's gonna be a prize! (I don't know what it will be yet... but it's gonna be GREAT!) Keep on laughing!

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Most of my family has probably already seen this video... but for those of you who haven't, it is worth the watch! Hopefully you'll find yourself cracking up like I did! This bird has more rhythm than a lot of people I know!

Friday, April 17, 2009

This is how I feel today... heck, who am I kidding - this is me EVERY day!
(except for the whole swinging on a swing in a nightie thing!)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Sometimes it's not just as easy as ABC...

Here is a video of my Natalie right about the time she turned three years old. I love this video!

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Dreams can come true!

I found this link from Britain's Got Talent. I don't know if it is really that funny, but it is really sweet and will bring a tear to your eye.

Sorry that I still didn't make it a direct link, I still not sure how to make it work.

Hope you like it!!

Wordless Wednesday...happy tax day!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Things Some People Say...

This quote was said by my friend Ashley when a group of us were sitting around talking. Enjoy!

Ashley: "I really need some extra money."

Darson: "Well, you could always sell your plasma."

Ashley: "Umm, seriously Darson...I don't even have a tv."

:) I hope you got a laugh out of it, because I did!

Monday, April 13, 2009

Monday Memories... My worst date! (or at least one of them!)

Thanks to my friend, Delaney, for suggesting I pick my brain for funny stories from my single adult dating life. Pretty much anyone who has ever played the "dating game" knows that there has to be several embarrassing things happen in those few years... or in my case, several years. I remember a time when I lived in Flagstaff, while attending Northern Arizona University (for 6 months), and ultimately waiting to meet my hubby. The "pickens" were kind of low there at that school. There was a certain guy, however, who LOVED to date!! His motto was, "Seven days without a date makes one WEAK!" Well, I guess he had to meet his quota for the month, so he asked me out. He was 100% cowboy! He wanted to drive down to Sedona from Flagstaff by taking the old roads through Oak Creek Canyon (or perhaps I don't remember what road it was... but it was a DIRT road and completely crazy - my dad informed me in a comment on this post that Oak Creek Canyon road is not bad... so that must not have been it! anyway... I don't know the name of the road I guess...) to attend the town country swing dance. Sure, I liked to dance, so it sounded fun... until I saw the road we had to take! I have always been one with a low-tolerance for motion. I get car, plane, boat, roller-coaster, or any other "object in motion" sick. The roads were only the width of one car, with one side of the road touching the mountain, and the other side plunging over a cliff. There were also the curviest roads I had personally been on, and this guy must have had every curve memorized, because he didn't slow down for even one of them. Let's just say that by the time we got to the dance, I was EXTREMELY sick! Anyway, I tried to be a good sport, but this was a SWING dance, and this guy liked to "swing his partner ROUND and ROUND," (until she vomits on the ground!). I remember the dance was full of odd middle aged men, and women who seemed to have been happy to just "catch" one of them! I had to take a breather, and sit out a few songs. My date had apparently not seen the green in my face, so he just continued dancing. I remember that he danced with pretty much every other person there! I watched and watched for probably a good hour and a half, and then asked if we could leave. I was still so sick. Well, I convinced my date to just take the regular highway home (it was MUCH faster and straighter) but somehow he managed to curve and swerve just enough that I couldn't take it any more. I told him that he was going to have to pull over... and just in time, he did! I leaned out of the truck and threw up all over. I had to have him pull over another couple of times on the trip home. He never asked me out again!!! Good thing, too, because I never wanted to go to a country swing dance again!!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Beware of Identity Theft this Easter!!
Watch for Imposters!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Top 10 Reasons the Easter Bunny Brings Eggs
10. Big tax write-off.

9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?

8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled, baked in brownies.

7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens if he buys in bulk.
6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.

5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.
4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.
3. Would you want to hunt for waffles?
2. He knows that for some guys, these are the only chicks they ever get!
1. Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.

"Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?"

"Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears."

Thursday, April 9, 2009

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

I dare you!!!

I dare you not to laugh at this!! Gotta love contagious laughter :)

give the video a minute you'll see what I mean (I forgot to it all the way to the end...or skip the middle if you get bored...the end is funny too)

(P.S. I can't figure out how to just show the video so this will take you to youtube...I didn't see anything offensive connected to this (which sometimes happens on youtube so surf youtube at your own risk) I'll try to figure out how to post just the video so you don't have to worry about that (if anyone knows how, please share :)!)

Note: I copied this from my friend, Natalie's blog. I think it is hilarious, but I can't take credit!!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Monday Memories...Make me laugh

Did you ever play "make me laugh" as a kid? Or maybe you called it something like "If you love me baby, smile". Either way, these were some of the great party games of my child/teen hood. You know the game- you have to do something to make another person laugh, but if they laugh, they are it. I have probably played these kinds of games hundreds of times, and became quite a pro at them. This talent for soberness paid off "big-time" for me in my time of need.

It was my 20th birthday and I was still attending Eastern Arizona College. My birthday fell on a weekday, and there was really nothing to do in this small town, so I had not made plans... and apparently, neither had any of my "friends!" Anyway, I had heard of something going on that night at the school auditorium called "Make me Laugh" and was immediately interested. I asked any of my friends or roommates if they wanted to go with me to see what all the hub-bub was about... and since it was my birthday and everything, nobody did. Thanks again, friends of mine. I guess they had a good excuse - there was a really good show on television that they didn't want to miss. Well, being pretty secure with who I was - I didn't need friends. I went alone.

When I got to the auditorium they had everyone draw a ticket at the door. I wasn't sure why, but I soon found out. They started calling people out of the audience to help with the entertainment. My number (surprisingly enough) was the FIRST one called, and so up I went onto the stage in front of at least a couple hundred people. I was told that they were going to try to make me laugh (they had a few comedians there that night that had their own stand-up comedy shows on cable TV) and that if I could go for 30 seconds without laughing, or even smiling, I would be able to spin the money wheel. What? Money was involved? SCORE! I thought back to all my days of trying not to laugh while playing laughing games. My secret was that I always had to concentrate on something really SAD! I remember just sitting there in front of everyone trying to think about death and taxes and things. First, a man comes out from behind the curtain with women's lingerie on over his clothes. He was talking and walking like a woman. So what!? I kept it cool. I remember someone coming right up to my face and picking their nose and saying something stupid. Not funny. So, I spun the money wheel and won a cool $50. WOW, for a poor, job-less student that could bye groceries for a month! Here was the catch: I could take on another 30 seconds and go "double or nothing" with another spin on the wheel. Well, being the dare-devil that I am, (HA) I decided to just go for it! I mean, it was not really that funny, and, well, I kind of rock at this game! So, I can't even remember what they did the second time... It WAS a long time ago! I do remember that it got harder not to laugh, though. I did make it another 30 seconds, and this time I won $100 dollars on the wheel. $150 in just one minute isn't bad!! The night continued for another hour or so, with student after student being called up to try not to laugh. For the "finale" they had planned on having the top 3 "money makers" come back up for one last face off and chance to spin the wheel. It would have been a GREAT plan, but unfortunately NOBODY else that night even made it through their first 30 seconds! I was the only one who had won money at all! So, they called me up and told me that I got to spin the wheel one last time because I was the winner! Did you hear that friends? I was the WINNER! It was my birthday, and I was the winner! I won a total of $200 that night... and what did I do with the money? Groceries? Rent? Tuition? NO WAY! I took a big group of "friends" out for pizza and a night of bowling to celebrate my birthday! Moral of the story? Never let a "good" TV show ruin your fun!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Subject: Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.
You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.Ready? GO!!!

(scroll down)

First Question:You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!

If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to miss the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer:If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:Mary's father has five daughters:

1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?Answer:Nunu?

NO!Of course not. Her name is Mary.

Read the question again Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush.By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.


Saturday, April 4, 2009

Friday, April 3, 2009

Apparently, these first two pairs of shoes are rather comfootable.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

What the...? They make ONE dollar bills!?