Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Just thought I'd give you a reason to smile today! Happy Tuesday!

Monday, March 30, 2009

Just be glad your kids aren't doing this...a look back at the Brooksby kid's childhood!

Here are a few memories I have of a few crazy ideas, or funny things we did as kids, in honor of Monday Memories! Maybe someone will want to add to these, or add details in another entry!

1. Just be glad your kids aren't planning a neighborhood dance in your backyard with out as much as mentioning the idea to you or your spouse. You have to find out about it by looking out the kitchen window only to find your 5 year old slow dancing with her long time crush, and about 70 other kids from the neighborhood including a 13 year old DJ.

2. Just be glad your kids aren't poking holes in every raw egg in the house and blowing all the insides out, then making houses, for their cute little egg families. Of course the thing with egg families is that they have to have egg related/clever names like eggbert, eggwina, egglynn, eggson...you get the idea!

3. Just be glad your kids aren't "digging" a "pool" in the back yard until they realize it is really hard, and then they just leave the mounds of dirt piled all around the back yard, and a hole in the "garden area" about 2 ft. deep, 12 ft. long and 5 ft. wide. And it stays there forever!

4. Just be glad your kids aren't getting you drinks of water from unknown sources!

5. Just be glad your kids aren't having a yard sale and selling lots of YOUR stuff, including a tandum bike that you really kinda wanted.

6. Just be glad your kids aren't painting "Kenny + his poo" on the side of your house in hot pink nail polish.

7. Just be glad your kids aren't burning little holes in the brand new trampoline over and over with a magnifying glass.

8. Just be glad your kids aren't "digging" an underground fort, in the same area that was going to be the "pool", until they realize that it is just as hard as digging a pool, so they leave new mounds of dirt all over the back yard...forever!

9. Just be glad your kids aren't walking to the neighborhood drug store to buy candy with some little friends, and on the way to the drugstore, passing a bum sorting through his trash, and guy without a tongue that always yells at them...but they can't make out why, and a delinquent with very colorful language passing by on his 10 speed. And just be glad your kid's aren't dumpster diving for awesome treasure in the dumpster behind the drug store, and then not telling you anything about any of it, because they know that if they do you will not let them go anymore to the drugstore.

10. Just be glad your kids aren't in the kitchen concocting things such as: Tuna fish mixed with orange juice, butter on cheerios, white sugar on bread, pickle or olive juice popsicles, melted cheese in the microwave,or purposely sitting on a piece of bread to make it really flat before eating it. Yum Yum!

Monday Memories... Party crasher!

One thing I really have no tolerance for is a show-off. OK, that may be the funniest thing I have posted on this humor blog thus far. Everyone who REALLY knows me knows that I tend to crave the spotlight. I love all eyes on me (or at least I USED to; now days I guess it depends on whether I've showered or not). Anyway, I have always had a bad habit of making a fool out of myself while attempting to be a little bit of a show off. I will give you an example.

It was 1994 and I was living in a 25 year old, completely outdated, single-wide trailer with 3 other girls (paying WAY to much in rent, I'll have you know) while I was attending the AWESOME community college of Eastern Arizona. I know, I know, you are jealous! Well, since we had such a large living area consisting of a good 8 square feet of floor space, surrounded by two card-table chairs and a 1970's, faux suede, mustard-yellow love seat, we simply HAD to entertain. This particular party consisted mostly of "hot" guys that my roommates and I were trying to "woo" with our irresistible good looks and charm (EAC had a ratio of 7 girls for every guy in school... why did I go there again?). Well, at least they were BREATHING guys. So, we turned on music (probably a little "Ace of Base") and just started having a good time dancing and joking around. Well, somewhere in my head I thought that this would be an excellent time to start with my "center of attention" thing.

"Hey, have I ever shown you guys how I can kick the ceiling of this trailer with my foot?" I asked.
The reply came that they had never seen me do that, and that I should do it. I mean, where else were they going to get this kind of entertainment in such a small town?
Well, do you think I REALLY knew how to do what I professed to know how to do? Nope. I did have a fairly impressive high kick, though, that had never really received the attention it deserved, so I figured the time was right and I would give it a go.
Anyway, in order for me to kick the ceiling I was going to have to jump off of the floor...
how hard can that be anyway? I HAD seen Karate Kid a few years before, so NO PROBLEM! I took a huge jump in the air and swung my left foot up to impressively shock my audience with my mad skills, and actually came REALLY close to kicking the ceiling on the way to falling FLAT on my back! I mean FLAT! My shirt, in the process, went flying up over my head, revealing a little more to everyone than I had planned that night! As I pulled down my shirt and gazed up into the eyes of my less than impressed audience, I realized what I had just done! Not only was I embarrassed beyond my wildest dreams, I was just sure I had broken my back in the process! I couldn't feel it at all! I tried to laugh it off (since obviously I was with a bunch of dumb college kids, so not a single person was concerned for me, in fact, they couldn't stop laughing) but I couldn't hold back the tears. I realized that my back felt really strange, but I was able to move it slightly. As I finally made it up off of the floor, I noticed that my feet were all wobbly and wiggly. Oh, NO! I had broken something! As I looked down I saw that I had indeed, broken something!! I had broken a HUGE hole in my trailer floor! The only thing keeping me from falling through about 4 feet down and landing on the cement, was the CARPET! Well, if you thought I was mortified before, you should have seen me now! I was ready to DIE! I just wanted to run to my awesome 5X6.5 shared bedroom and climb up onto my top bunk and cry myself to sleep! How would I ever show my face at this school again? How was I going to explain that hole in the floor to my landlord?!

How could I have been so dumb?! Well, Duh!

So, I didn't go to school for a couple of days. Run away from your problems, that's what I always say!! My back honestly hurt that bad, anyway. And as for telling the landlord, I did what I almost always do in hard predicaments: I procrastinated. I moved our coffee table to cover the hole so nobody would fall in it. When company came over I had to make up a story about the odd placement of the coffee table being part of my psychology experiment or something like that... (Hey, too bad Feng Shui hadn't been heard of yet, that would have made more sense!) I tried and tried for several weeks to get the courage to tell my landlord. I finally mentioned that I had "fallen" in the trailer - you know, in a rather nonchalant way, and wondered if he would come take a look at it. Well, he did. And do you know what he found? Termites. They were everywhere. They had been eating at this trailer for years and had completely destroyed most of the floor. So, it wasn't my fault the floor broke. That is my story and I am sticking to it. But if you wonder if I was still able to win the heart of any of the guys at the party (or any others at that school, for that matter) I would have to say, "None of them were good enough for me anyway!" Ha ha!

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Why Women are Tired...

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed." She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed." "I'm on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list... She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to bed." And he did...without another thought.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Be honest... how many times did you click on it? I clicked two times.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS - (this was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick housebut Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida .. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.


Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Little miss attitude!

My sister, Andrea was here visiting from Arizona last week. We, of course, had to do everything with my children, so it was probably one of the most tiring spring breaks she has ever had! I laughed when I saw this priceless picture that Andrea got of my sweet little 2 year old! She is the EPITOME of Terrible Twos! Check out that look - that is one she gives us on a regular basis. Too funny!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Monday Memories...Canned Food Drive

I tell this story with the hope that my mom and dad will forgive my actions. Perhaps I need to start off every one of these "Monday's Memories" this way! I am sure they may not even remember this, as it happened 25 years ago, but I would hate to think that I am bringing up something that was completely and totally humiliating to them. I also hate to think that there are so many things that I have done that they know nothing about. How did that happen, anyway? I guess growing up in what is now considered "the olden days" I was free to wander and roam of my own free will. That being said, Have I ever mentioned that I grew up kind of poor? OK, maybe really poor. Oh sure, as for the things that REALLY mattered, I was rich. I had wonderful, loving parents and grandparents that blessed my life so much. I had best friends for siblings... and I wouldn't change a THING about my childhood looking back on it. Hey, wait... this is a HUMOR blog, what I am doing?
Well, one year my elementary school was doing a canned food drive. You know, we all walked around our neighborhoods asking people to donate to the needy and hungry. It was great and I remember receiving A LOT of food for the food drive. This sparked an interest in food drives for me. I had never done anything like this before. It all seemed so easy. So, since MY family's pantry seemed a little low on everything except beans and rice from the food storage, it was time for a food drive for us. So, that's exactly what I did. I remember taking my little red wagon door to door telling them that I was on a food drive for my family. I explained our family situation and how we really didn't have anything good in our pantry that others' had in theirs. I had been deprived of such delicacies as "Spaghetti-Os" and other artificial foods. I remember some of the people told me that they didn't have anything. I guess I would do the same thing to someone at my door now. I do, however, remember receiving several cans of food and being quite pleased with what I came home with. I secretly put them in the pantry and hoped that someone would notice that there were two extra cans of cream of mushroom soup, a can of peaches and some sweetened condensed milk. Nobody ever said anything. I just felt good about what I had done - I didn't need the praise of my parents!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Friday, March 20, 2009

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Monday, March 16, 2009

Monday Memories...My DAD'S lesson learned

My parents always tried to teach us kids the value of a dollar. I remember my Dad teaching me how to use a lawn edger at a pretty young age (about ten) and telling me to take it door to door and tell people I would edge their yards for a couple of bucks. I remember doing it - begrudgingly. I was never the "salesman" type. I would have been much more comfortable saying, "Hey, let me edge your yard as a random act of kindness," or better yet: "Hey, I will pay you a dollar if you let me practice my lawn edging skills on your front yard," but asking people to pay me was a problem. Still is to this day!

I remember one time, while visiting the local "Costco" type store, my Dad asked me if I wanted to learn a little about making money. He showed me a huge box of candy bars (I still remember, they were Butterfingers) and said that he would buy me that entire box of about 50 candy bars, and I could turn around and sell them to people, any way I saw fit, and I could keep the profit earned after paying my dues back to him. I remember thinking it may not be the greatest idea to give a ten year old girl 50 candy bars... especially one who already made it clear she was not the "salesman" type, as well as one who was fairly "junk food" deprived. Now, I realize that is not a real deprivation, but if it had been one, I would have had it. I did grow up as a poor little white girl, you know, (not to be mistaken with the increasingly popular "poor little white-trash girl" - she's had plenty of junk food). Anyway - I decided to go in on the business endeavor with my father. He bought the candy bars, gave them to me and told me to have fun. I only remember eating two of the candy bars myself... but I didn't even sell ONE of them! I just couldn't ask my friends to PAY me for something that I was so excited to just GIVE them! It was well worth the $10 my Dad had paid to have such a good feeling in my heart and to make so many peoples' days a little happier (as much as a free candy bar can!) Dad, I still plan on paying you back someday when I have ten bucks to spare!

Saturday, March 14, 2009

I know I posted some of these on my family blog about a year ago so some of you may have seen these already. I love them though, and they are so funny to me (probably because I can relate to them at this point in my life). Enjoy!
This is SERIOUSLY my motto! (above)

How true it is! :)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Favoritism at it's finest

Monday, March 9, 2009

Monday Memories... I should have been a hobo

So, referring again to my cloudy brain for some humor, I was reminded of a story that I haven't thought about in years. I was about 8 years old, and my friend and I would walk to the Skaggs drug store that was just down a few houses from ours to the end of the street, and then across a dirt field, which we lovingly referred to as "Skaggs field". I spent every single penny I earned (which wasn't much, I'll have you know), at this drug store buying such wonderful things as gum and candy, nail polish and fake nails, lip gloss and stickers. I would also buy the occasional fake flower to give to my grandma or someone for their birthday, or carnival supplies for some random carnival I was throwing in my backyard for everyone I knew. I don't know why I did those things. Anyway, my friend and I would walk down the make-up isles at Skaggs and just dream of the time when we would be old enough to really WEAR the make-up. They used to have samples of make-up out back then... which thinking back on it was GROSS. I mean, lipstick samples that you run your finger through and then put on your lips, and then someone else runs their finger through later and puts on their lips. Seriously don't wonder why that isn't the "norm" anymore. Anyway, we started to wonder about all of these samples and what ever happened to them. Then one day, my friend, who was also a little bit (or a lot) more adventurous than I was, decided to climb in the garbage dumpsters in the back of the store looking for some of those "treasures" that were probably being thrown away. After a little persuasion, I joined her, and we found all kinds of things to take home and clutter up our rooms with. I remember we found a WHOLE bunch of make up samples that we took home. Two little girls' dreams were coming true right there in that garbage dumpster. We also found some food and candy that had expired dates on it... but had never been opened. Score! I think for the next year we searched those dumpsters regularly for treasures, I think the word got out though, because pretty soon other neighborhood kids had things from the dumpster, too, so it was harder to find the real treasures. Looking back on it, I don't think we had any idea that it was so filthy and disgusting and made us look like hobos. No, in our little eight-year-old eyes, we were just living a life full of adventure and surprises. Garbage dumpsters have been a tad bit tempting ever since. I knew I should have been a hobo!

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Watch Out for Big Bird!

A friend of ours told us this story about when he was a young father trying to get through school and working whatever jobs he could find. He took a job at a local mall walking around in a Big Bird costume. The costume was very tall, and he looked out from between the wings. The mall had lost some of the support structure for Big Bird's head, so he had to have a broomstick strapped to his back to hold the head up. It was very hot and uncomfortable.

One day, he was walking around the mall waving at children when he saw a group of 10-ish boys. They saw him and waved. He waved back. One of the kids approached him and our friend lifted his wings for a hug. The boy walked right up to him and kicked him hard in the shin! Then the boy laughed and ran away. As our friend puts it, these kids were of the age that it wasn't enough to not like Big Bird anymore; they had to prove to their peers that they hated Big Bird.

A few minutes later, another one of the kids in the group came over to give Big Bird a hug, but instead he kicked him in the shin, too! Well, that was enough for our friend. He kept an eye on that group after that.

Several minutes later, he saw another one of the kids coming toward him from the side. Our friend just kept Big Bird turned sideways while watching the kid from the side of the eye slot. When the boy got very close, Big Bird spread his wings and grabbed the kid and pulled him very close in a tight hug. He then spoke to the boy and said:

"Listen, kid. I have an advantage over you, and that is that you don't know what I look like outside this costume. But I know what you look like, and I will be getting off work a little later. I will follow you around, and you won't know it's me. I will remember you. And as soon as I get you alone, maybe in the parking lot, I will give you a beating you won't forget. It may not even be today, but I will remember you. So if you're smart, you will leave me alone, and you will convince your friends to leave me alone, too. You understand me, kid?"

He let the kid go, and he ran away. That was the last trouble he had with any of those children. That was the last time any of them attacked Big Bird. They probably still have Big Bird nightmares.

Friday, March 6, 2009

So, I found this website called line upon line cards. I shouldn't tell you about it, because I think I may start buying my birthday cards and things from here, but I just had to share. Here is a sample of the humor you will find there.I love it!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Elephants Never Forget

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down his foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

What if advertisers told the truth?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Monday, March 2, 2009

Check this out!

I thought this was a funny story. Sorry, I would just copy and paste the whole story, but the pictures won't copy. So just look here http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29462344. It made me literally laugh out loud! I hope you enjoy it.

Monday Memories... Crazy Crush!

Have you ever had a crush on someone? I mean a REALLY bad crush that didn't go away for quite a while?! Well, I have. And, I know most of you are not surprised by that fact. Well, I was in 8th grade and I had a crush on the most interesting Senior in High School I had ever had a conversation with. No doubt, he was the ONLY senior in High School I had ever had a conversation with! And looking back now, I really wonder why he even gave me the time of day. I think (OK, I maybe even KNOW) it was because he was really weird. Anyway, that is neither here, nor there. To the story then...
Valentine's Day was coming up, and because I really only had eyes for one person at that time, (which was rare for me growing up, believe me!) I had to do SOMETHING for him! We weren't dating by any means. I mean, I was in 8th grade for crying out loud! But, he did still go to all the church dances as a senior (see weird comment above), and he did have access to a car, so he took me with him; just the two of us sometimes. And, he did dance with me sometimes (OK, so maybe mostly on the fast songs), so it was love, right!?
Anyway, I came up with this great idea to decorate his bedroom for Valentines Day with all sorts of balloons and candy and hearts. I got this great big blow-up heart (just like the picture above) that said "I'm yours" on it. I also got one of those HUGE 2 feet tall cards that says "Here's lookin' at you, Valentine... and you're lookin' GOOD!" in which I poured out my innermost feelings of love for this boy. I was friends with this guy's sister, so it wasn't hard to decorate his room. "In fact", I thought, "I should hide in his closet until he gets home from school and then when he gets home I'll jump out and say 'Happy Valentine's Day, I'm yours'. Yeah, that would be PERFECT!" So, that's exactly what I did. I remember hiding in his closet (the main motive was actually because I was afraid his mom would come in his room) for probably close to an hour. Finally, the time was here. He was home!! Feelings of self-doubt began to fill my entire body! Was I setting myself up for complete and utter humiliation? Should I even have decorated his bedroom in the first place? And why did I think hiding in the closet was just the extra touch this whole thing needed? (Oh sure, NOW you start using your head, Emily!) but it was TOO late. So, I did it. I jumped out. I put myself out there. And you know what he did? He laughed. Then he asked me if I had made some of the candy I'd put all over his room, myself. As if I just happened to know how to "whip up" cinnamon gummy hearts from scratch! I remember that an awkward silence filled his bedroom as I stood there watching him do nothing. I guess I expected him to embrace me and tell me that he felt the same way I did, and that even though I still had a couple of years until I was allowed to date, and he would well into his mission by then, that he would wait for me. Our love would endure the test of time! Anyway, it wasn't long after this happened that I decided it wasn't "meant to be" for the two of us. The funny thing is that this individual didn't get married until he was quite a bit into that "menace to society" stage, and a few times in our adulthood when I accidentally ran into him, he commented to me that he still had that big blow up heart I gave him, as if to say, "I'm still here for the taking!" I knew at that point, that he WAS weird. Sorry, if you know him. Sorry, if you love him... he was just a tad bit weird. But, hey, after THIS story, no doubt you are questioning who the REAL weird-o is. I am not even going to try and deny it!