Monday, March 30, 2009

Monday Memories... Party crasher!

One thing I really have no tolerance for is a show-off. OK, that may be the funniest thing I have posted on this humor blog thus far. Everyone who REALLY knows me knows that I tend to crave the spotlight. I love all eyes on me (or at least I USED to; now days I guess it depends on whether I've showered or not). Anyway, I have always had a bad habit of making a fool out of myself while attempting to be a little bit of a show off. I will give you an example.

It was 1994 and I was living in a 25 year old, completely outdated, single-wide trailer with 3 other girls (paying WAY to much in rent, I'll have you know) while I was attending the AWESOME community college of Eastern Arizona. I know, I know, you are jealous! Well, since we had such a large living area consisting of a good 8 square feet of floor space, surrounded by two card-table chairs and a 1970's, faux suede, mustard-yellow love seat, we simply HAD to entertain. This particular party consisted mostly of "hot" guys that my roommates and I were trying to "woo" with our irresistible good looks and charm (EAC had a ratio of 7 girls for every guy in school... why did I go there again?). Well, at least they were BREATHING guys. So, we turned on music (probably a little "Ace of Base") and just started having a good time dancing and joking around. Well, somewhere in my head I thought that this would be an excellent time to start with my "center of attention" thing.

"Hey, have I ever shown you guys how I can kick the ceiling of this trailer with my foot?" I asked.
The reply came that they had never seen me do that, and that I should do it. I mean, where else were they going to get this kind of entertainment in such a small town?
Well, do you think I REALLY knew how to do what I professed to know how to do? Nope. I did have a fairly impressive high kick, though, that had never really received the attention it deserved, so I figured the time was right and I would give it a go.
Anyway, in order for me to kick the ceiling I was going to have to jump off of the floor...
how hard can that be anyway? I HAD seen Karate Kid a few years before, so NO PROBLEM! I took a huge jump in the air and swung my left foot up to impressively shock my audience with my mad skills, and actually came REALLY close to kicking the ceiling on the way to falling FLAT on my back! I mean FLAT! My shirt, in the process, went flying up over my head, revealing a little more to everyone than I had planned that night! As I pulled down my shirt and gazed up into the eyes of my less than impressed audience, I realized what I had just done! Not only was I embarrassed beyond my wildest dreams, I was just sure I had broken my back in the process! I couldn't feel it at all! I tried to laugh it off (since obviously I was with a bunch of dumb college kids, so not a single person was concerned for me, in fact, they couldn't stop laughing) but I couldn't hold back the tears. I realized that my back felt really strange, but I was able to move it slightly. As I finally made it up off of the floor, I noticed that my feet were all wobbly and wiggly. Oh, NO! I had broken something! As I looked down I saw that I had indeed, broken something!! I had broken a HUGE hole in my trailer floor! The only thing keeping me from falling through about 4 feet down and landing on the cement, was the CARPET! Well, if you thought I was mortified before, you should have seen me now! I was ready to DIE! I just wanted to run to my awesome 5X6.5 shared bedroom and climb up onto my top bunk and cry myself to sleep! How would I ever show my face at this school again? How was I going to explain that hole in the floor to my landlord?!

How could I have been so dumb?! Well, Duh!

So, I didn't go to school for a couple of days. Run away from your problems, that's what I always say!! My back honestly hurt that bad, anyway. And as for telling the landlord, I did what I almost always do in hard predicaments: I procrastinated. I moved our coffee table to cover the hole so nobody would fall in it. When company came over I had to make up a story about the odd placement of the coffee table being part of my psychology experiment or something like that... (Hey, too bad Feng Shui hadn't been heard of yet, that would have made more sense!) I tried and tried for several weeks to get the courage to tell my landlord. I finally mentioned that I had "fallen" in the trailer - you know, in a rather nonchalant way, and wondered if he would come take a look at it. Well, he did. And do you know what he found? Termites. They were everywhere. They had been eating at this trailer for years and had completely destroyed most of the floor. So, it wasn't my fault the floor broke. That is my story and I am sticking to it. But if you wonder if I was still able to win the heart of any of the guys at the party (or any others at that school, for that matter) I would have to say, "None of them were good enough for me anyway!" Ha ha!

1 comment:

  1. Wow, this is the first time I've read your humor blog...I needed it! I will definitely be checking back now. This story reminded me of my good old EAC stories. Ha ha. That story was hilarious by the way!