Sharing the Laughter

Henry and the Horse

2011-11-10T22:15:00.001-07:00

Once upon a time, in a land about 2 miles from our house, a little boy named Henry tagged along on his big sister's fieldtrip to the farm. He went on a hayride, pet goats, ponies, chickens and cuddled bunny rabbits. It was a great day for Henry and his big sister...until...all the kids decided to feed the big horses carrots and apples. It was fun! Henry really liked the big horses! Henry decided to pet a horse. Henry's chubby little hand looked like an apple to the great big horse. The great big horse bit Henry's hand. Henry is lucky to have fingers, even though horses have very blunt teeth. The End!

Feeling Old...

2011-04-13T20:39:00.003-06:00

Last weekend my family went to Memphis (about 2 hours from where I live) and had a great time. We had some really great barbeque at a place called "Corky's". As we were sitting there waiting for our names to be called, we began looking at all of the celebrities who had eaten there. Looking at a picture of Elvis Presley on the wall, my nine year old son says, "Hey! Wasn't that guy a rock star in the Nineteen Hundreds!?" Uhhhh..... yeah!

Not quite measuring up....

2011-04-05T23:32:00.003-06:00

Monday Memories - Cupping

2011-04-04T06:26:00.000-06:00

I have a friend, and she is actually better friends with my sister, that is so fun to be around. I don't know how she is so creative, but she has the funniest ideas. I have to tell you about something she used to do on a regular basis. It's called "cupping". Start by buying a drink somewhere and drinking it ("hey, I think I can handle this so far!) Then you take your empty cup and place a few industrial strength magnets in it. Then you glue the lid and straw back on the top. Then you stick it to the roof of your car. The point of the game is to see how many people you can get to flag you down and tell you that your cup in on top of your car! When they flag you down, act unknowing about the cup and then express how grateful you are for their help. Take the cup down, wait a minute or two until that person is out of sight, and then put it up again. This is a "win-win" game. You get all the laughs and others feel good about themselves for doing a good deed for the day!! I think this game would also work with a car seat and a life size doll.

Looking for a Reason to Laugh....

2011-04-03T09:15:00.002-06:00

I have been without a computer or the internet for pretty much a year and a half now, and just haven't found time to go somewhere else and post to the humor blog! I am ready to come back - and hope anyone is still interested in laughing. Do you all need to laugh more - 'cause I know I do! I am going to try harder to post to the blog, while catching up on my family blog as well. I was just looking over my blogs and remembering how much I loved to blog. I had forgotten how much I love to blog - and how fun it is to view later and remember these things. So, check back for humor. Also, if you want to contribute to this blog, I can put you on as a writer so it can be a group thing - just let me know.

Someone had to write SOMETHING...

2009-11-10T16:59:00.002-07:00

A Southern Baptist preacher and his wife wanted to get a dog, but they insisted that the dog be a Southern Baptist, too. They went looking at every pet store they could find, but couldn't find a dog that met their strange criteria. Finally, they found a man with a dog for sale that he insisted was indeed a Southern Baptist.

The preacher and his wife were skeptical. "Prove it," they demanded. So the man turned to the dog and said, "Ezekial, go fetch the Bible." The dog ran to the bookcase, scanned the titles, and pulled out the Bible. Then he ran back to his owner. "Now, find John 3:16" said the man. The dog licked his paw and started turning pages until he came to the third chapter of St. John. "OK, now find the 23rd Psalm" said the man. Again, the dog licked his paw and started turning pages back to the Old Testament until he came to the right page.

The preacher and his wife were amazed, and immediately purchased the dog. They took him back to their congregation and started telling people they had found a Southern Baptist dog. Their parishoners were unsure about the claims, so the preacher showed them how the dog could retrieve the Bible and turn to key scriptures. Everyone was amazed.

One parishoner, though, was still unimpressed. "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" he asked. "Well, let's find out," said the preacher. Turning to the dog, he said, "Heel!" Immediately the dog jumped up on a chair and whacked the preacher in the forehead with his paw.

"We've been cheated!" exclaimed the preacher. "He sold us a Pentacostal dog!"

Kids know their parents

2009-07-01T11:39:00.002-06:00

Last week, when Melissa and Brad and their kids were visiting us in Pinetop, we took the kids for a walk around Edler Lake. As we reached the far side of the lake, we came across a little bench about 12 inches high - just right for little children. Four-year-old Owen sat down, and his little sister Lydia sat down beside him. He put his arm around her, looked up at his mother and said, "I'll bet you wish you had your camera right now, huh, Mom?"

Engrish Resson - Check Sperring

2009-06-25T15:41:00.000-06:00

Be Courageous

2009-06-16T15:53:00.001-06:00

How Men and Women are Different

2009-06-15T16:06:00.001-06:00

My Dad's Dream Game!

2009-06-11T09:56:00.000-06:00

My Life

2009-06-10T09:17:00.003-06:00

Emily isn't feeling very funny right now (too much time with her parents, I think), so it has devolved upon me, her father, to post something now and then. Here is today's funny.

Who says Math is hard?

2009-06-08T16:10:00.000-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-05-27T08:59:00.002-06:00

Too Odd!

2009-05-22T20:15:00.002-06:00

These are actual buildings designed this way! I wonder what would happen if someone built their house to look like this! I want to do it - just to get the looks!

Wordless Wednesday... say what?

2009-05-20T01:00:00.001-06:00

I have one of these... but I get dirty looks when I use it!

2009-05-19T04:13:00.001-06:00

Monday Memories...A Fool in My School!

2009-05-18T01:03:00.004-06:00

This is a memory that will surely make you believe I am a natural blonde! I was almost 16 years old and getting ready to get my driver's permit. I was taking a class at school with several people who were older than I was. I was a sophomore in High School at the time and the boy I sat next to was a junior, but had just taken the driver's test himself if I remember correctly. Well, he heard that I was going to take the written test that day after school so he gave me a few pointers on the "hard" questions. "OH, they have some trick questions on the driver's test." he said. "They ask what you should do if you see a person trying to cross the road carrying a white cane." "Really?" I asked. "What are you supposed to do?" "Well," he said, "the options say that you can either do nothing and proceed as usual; honk and wave; or give them the right of way." I was intrigued. "What is the right answer?!" I asked. "Wouldn't you know it" he said, "you are supposed to honk and wave, but since it is a trick question a lot of people get that one wrong - I know this one for sure because I missed it myself." I had no idea what carrying a white cane had to do with anything... but I was pretty sure it was a fashion faux pax after Labor Day! This boy told me about all of the trick questions. I couldn't believe my luck to have found someone willing to share his wealth of knowledge and especially so eager to help! I thanked my "friend" and went on to my other classes as usual. As I was taking the written driving test later that day I couldn't believe how easy it was! I had so many of the questions answered quickly, thanks to my tutor in 4th hour. I turned in my test, feeling confident in my answers and looking forward to an easy "PASS" from the DMV. Well, as you may have guessed, I failed miserably. I also learned a hard lesson that day! I found out that some people will disguise themselves as your friend and then laugh in your face. I am pretty sure I already knew that girls would do that, but this was the first time a boy had done this to me. In his defense, he said, "I didn't think you believed me!" See? BLONDE!

Easily Amused!

2009-05-16T21:52:00.011-06:00

I am easily amused! Some may call it a simple mind. Some may say I have too much time on my hands. I call it trying to keep entertained while locking myself in the office to get away from my children. Whatever you call it - I am.

Something that amuses me is word verification letters. I know there is an actual term for these things - I remember reading it in the Reader's Digest several months ago... but of course, I can't remember because I have a simple mind. Anyway, these things crack me up! Of course, sometimes they are frustrating because you can't figure out what the letters are, but sometimes these thing-a-majiggers are just kind of funny. Try reading them out loud every now and then. I am actually going to start using some of these "words" in normal conversation. I think this is a good one when you feel like

someone:

Or how 'bout:

And then there are some of them that sound like medical terminology.... that way you can sound smart even if you don't know what the crap you are talking about. "Did you hear Helen was recently diagnosed with recalkea so she had to have a reducksl on her ingestr? Yeah, I am totally serious!"

Then, of course, is my favorite use for word verification - Baby Names! No need to buy baby name books anymore or search endlessly on the Internet for a new idea - try leaving a comment on your favorite person's blog and see what comes to you. Here are a few I like:

It even works if you want your child to sound important:

(it's Hawaiian for "Island Princess Goddess"... or is it?!)

Anyway... those are just a few of the random simple thoughts I had today.

World's Worst Laugh... copied from Ali's blog

2009-05-15T04:58:00.002-06:00

Does anyone speak French? I am wondering what is so funny! (then again, with construction guys it might not be decent, right?!)

2009-05-14T00:51:00.000-06:00

Friends and Family

2009-05-13T14:30:00.006-06:00

Wordless Wednesday...happy endings

2009-05-13T00:43:00.000-06:00

My Pet Peeve!

2009-05-12T00:42:00.000-06:00

I am not one who has many pet peeves.... I think "Peeve" is a great name for a pet, though... so don't be surprised if I use it someday if I ever have a pet...which I hope I don't. Anyway, I can't rattle you off a list of the top 5 things the "irk" me... but I can tell you one thing that does FOR SURE - and that is talking on the phone to a computer! It drives me NUTS! A while ago I was needing some information from my bank so I called them, only to be answered by a computer that wants me to talk back to it. I was in the car with my screaming children (I know... bad... but I was pulling over into a parking lot at the time I made the call, so...) Here is a little of how the conversation went: Welcome to the (fill in your bank's name here) customer help line, for English, say "English" (and of course then the Spanish option, which I don't know how to type, so I won't pretend I do!) It then wanted me to enter or say my account number. That was easy enough... I could enter it in on my phone, but then came the hard part - the speech access - and there is no more typing in your options at this point. The computer asks which account I am needing to access and I say "checking", but because all of my kids are screaming the computer thinks I am speaking another language or something because it keeps asking me to repeat that. Then it assumes I said "savings" and asks, "Now you want savings, is that correct?", to which I answer promptly with a NO! I then hear, "OH, I am sorry, let me start over... which account would you like to access?" And then the same thing happens again! I decide that it is impossible to speak to anything like this when kids are around! I get out of the car and stand by it in the parking lot... but there is so much wind and a lot of cars going by, so it can't understand a word I say! (those computers are SO sensitive to any sound!) I go round and round in the same fashion until I get frustrated and hang up. This same scenario has happened so many times!! So you might think that I should do my important calls at home, but the same thing happens at home, also! Why is it that kids don't ever listen to you unless they hear that you are speaking to someone on the phone!? They couldn't care less if I am around most of the time, but the minute I need to make an important call they act as if they haven't seen me in months... screaming and crying unless they can sit on my lap (all at the same time) and have all of my attention. I have tried locking myself in a room - and the stupid voice computer can't tell what I am saying over the horrific screams and poundings on the bedroom door. I have tried going outside for peace and quiet, but the dumb trains and air force jets going by every 30 seconds make that a hard place to speak, too - and of course, the kids follow me out! So, I found that if I just sit in my parked car in the driveway without my kids, it works... well, ONCE it did, anyway - until my kids caught on to where my hiding place was! So... what I have concluded, is there IS no chance for peace and quiet as a mother - and that does NOT work with some technology!

Monday Memories...My Spontaneous Grandma!

2009-05-11T00:27:00.002-06:00

This is a picture of my dear, sweet Grandma and Grandpa (whom I love dearly, by the way!) Anyone who knows my Grandma knows that she is one fun and "full of life" lady, who is always doing something spontaneous.

This memory happened back when I was about 14 or so (I can't say exactly, but I am pretty sure it was around that time). My whole family was up in the White Mountains of Arizona for a get together of some sort and we were attending a parade down town. Anyway, as the parade went by, we noticed several people carrying big banners down the street with words on them like "best of..." and "VIP of the town" and so forth. Well, a few of these signs had nobody walking behind them (like the person had not shown up for the parade I am assuming), so my sweet Grandma JUMPED up and ran out to the middle of the street and started "strutting her stuff" behind one of the signs! I honestly remember just DYING of laughter - trying not to pee my pants right there on Main Street!

A Mother's Life...

2009-05-09T00:29:00.000-06:00

In honor of Mother's Day... a classic!

2009-05-08T11:01:00.001-06:00

This is a funny one!

2009-05-08T00:49:00.001-06:00

I hadn't seen this before so I thought I would post it. I think it's worth a short little watch! Keep on laughing!

2009-05-07T07:25:00.000-06:00

A conversation with my two year old...

2009-05-06T14:09:00.004-06:00

This is a conversation I had while putting my 2 year old daughter, Staci, to bed the other night:

"Momma, I want you to sing me Little Bite"

"What? I don't know what song that is, Staci!"

"Yes, Momma, Little Bite! Little Bite! I want to sing Little Bite!"

"OK, well you are going to have to sing it to me so I can know what song you are talking about, Staci!"

OK, Momma!

(then to the tune "Lullaby and Good Night" she sings, "Little Bite, Little Bite, Little Bite, Little Staci!")

Monday Memories... Out of creative blog titles.

2009-05-03T20:18:00.006-06:00

I love music. I started listening to the radio at a very young age, and have a memory for almost every 80's song I hear. As a child I had the privilege of walking by the KZZP radio station every day on my way to and from school... yeah, I was pretty cool! Most days I would go inside on my way home from school and try to become friends with anyone I could - and grab a big stack of bumper stickers to put all over my room. I called the radio station to request songs to friends, boyfriends, even just to say Happy Birthday to friends and try to get them to put it on the air. My next-door neighbor worked for the station and one year she gave me movie premier tickets to see "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation". It was really awesome because it fell on my birthday and I got to take a bunch of friends with me. Anyway, I loved KZZP for life.... well, until they went all hip hop on me... and then we moved. But now they aren't hip hop anymore... so if I lived around there I would probably still listen to them. Anyway, am I rambling?

I must have been about 10 or 11 years old when KZZP decided they would call a random number each day and if the person on the other end answered the phone saying, "KZZP is my number one hit music station" they would win $1000. Well, $1000 to a kid is a TON of money - hey, who am I kidding, $1000 to me now is a TON of money, but I was so sure they were going to call my number that I answered EVERY call we received at our house that way! I think it was probably geared towards calling people at work, and during work hours I am pretty sure. I am also pretty sure that if they would have found out a 10 year old answered that way, I wouldn't qualify for the money anyway... but I didn't think about those things then. All I could see was how much I wanted that money! So, I answered that way - and I did it for several months if I remember correctly. It usually caught the person calling for my mom or dad on the other end of the phone off guard, but I could usually get a laugh out of them when I quickly explained myself. I don't know - I am SO weird!

2009-05-02T18:58:00.001-06:00

This video may come in handy to many people at this time - especially during the hardships of the economy right now. In fact, if everyone would have just watched this and learned, perhaps we wouldn't even be in the situation we are!! I know I have really learned a lot from it!

ummmm.....

2009-05-01T13:41:00.000-06:00

2009-04-30T16:13:00.001-06:00

Unless, like me, you HAVE to clean because the entire house is covered with vomit, not to mention every blanket and towel we own. Sorry, it's gross..... but it's true!

I can't laugh about it yet, but maybe you can

2009-04-29T08:44:00.002-06:00

Emily, I thought I would add this one from my last couple of days

Last week, I got a great deal on 40 pounds of frozen chicken breasts packed in 10 pound bags. I put a bag in the fridge to thaw. Being the food scientist that I am and after teaching too many food safety classes, I really hate dealing with raw meat. I always imagine the germs everywhere. Anyway, I double bagged it and put it on a plate while I went to my parents' house overnight. We woke up Sunday morning to a huge mess. Raw chicken juice had leaked down the bottom 4 shelves/drawers of the fridge and had settled into a sticky, frozen mess. I spent hours cleaning it up and used up 1/2 a bottle of Lysol disinfectant, but at least the bottom part of the fridge was clean.

You may think that all was well with the world after that, but there is more. I brought some frozen hamburger back from my parents and accidentally left it in the car overnight, but it was still partially frozen so I put it on the top shelf of the fridge. Just as I was feeding the a kids lunch, which is like feeding time at the zoo, I opened the fridge to get ketchup and found the hamburger had leaked too!!!! This time it was from the top shelf and all down the sides and every shelf/drawer. AHHHHHH!! I thought I few choice words. (ok, maybe a lot of choice words) I yelled at the kids to hurry and get out of the kitchen, which I do feel bad about since it wasn't their fault and spent the next hour cleaning up dried blood with McKay attached to my leg.

Good thing I still had the other 1/2 of the bottle of Lysol. I hope you can laugh at this. Maybe I'll join you tomorrow. I also have a really clean fridge.

Update: As if I haven't learned and actually cooked the meat, my husband put a big platter in the fridge that didn't really fit, so he jammed it in. I found yesterday that the stupid hamburger had leaked again!!! I think someone is trying to tell me something!

Am I going to laugh at this someday?

2009-04-28T23:47:00.003-06:00

For the last few days you may have been wondering where I have been. I have been SICK! And not in a cool "man, you are SICK!" kind of way! I am sorry... and I won't go into detail - but let's just say that we had the first child start with the stomach bug, and within a few hours ALL 5 of us had it! That means that my hubby and I were both puking, while all three kids were. I definitely DON'T recommend doing it this way, for any of you who were wondering. It makes for a LOT of clean up. I am feeling about 50% better now, so expect about 50% more posts to this blog coming up. Anyone feel like taking my place (since this is a GROUP blog) FEEL FREE!

Arrrrr you kidding me?

2009-04-25T02:11:00.001-06:00

...and to go to this church is absurd!

I understand that there is a war between the church marques, and perhaps by making them interesting you may snatch up some wanderer looking for answers... but this is ridiculous! Hey, don't get me wrong, I like pirates just as much as the next 30-something stay-at-home-mom who is totally out of touch with reality.... especially the Johnny Depp kind of pirate, but they have no place on a church billboard! Am I wrong?

2009-04-24T00:46:00.000-06:00

Oh, how true it is!

Just a question for ya...

2009-04-23T00:18:00.000-06:00

Would the ocean be deeper if sponges didn't live there?

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Whatever happened to preparations A through G?

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?

So, what's the speed of dark?

Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?

How come abbreviated is such a long word?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, "The whole time."

After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?

If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?

Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery's dead?

Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?

Why are they called a-part-ments, when they're all stuck together?

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?

Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?

Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"

Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If "con" is the opposite of "pro," then what is the opposite of progress?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?

Why do we put suits in a garment bag and put garments in a suitcase?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why do people drive in parkways and park in driveways?

Wordless Wednesday...starting younger and younger these days

2009-04-22T00:01:00.000-06:00

2009-04-21T00:01:00.000-06:00

Maybe I was super tired, but this just made me laugh SO hard! I am weird, though!

Monday Memories... School Pictures!

2009-04-20T00:01:00.000-06:00

All I can say about this week's memory is that I LOVED my school picture this particular year. This was 9th grade, and of all the pictures I'd ever had (mostly horrid, by the way), this one was the BEST because my hair turned out PERFECTLY! Of course I have to acknowledge my family for putting up with me hogging the bathroom for 2-1/2 straight hours! I also couldn't have done it without a hair dryer, curling iron and a full can of Aqua Net (A shout out to all of my Eighties Ladies! Woop Woop!) Gotta love the shoulder pads in the shirt, too! By the way, look for an upcoming "worst school picture" contest. Get yours ready, 'cause there's gonna be a prize! (I don't know what it will be yet... but it's gonna be GREAT!) Keep on laughing!

2009-04-18T06:26:00.001-06:00

Most of my family has probably already seen this video... but for those of you who haven't, it is worth the watch! Hopefully you'll find yourself cracking up like I did! This bird has more rhythm than a lot of people I know!

http://www.maniacworld.com/bird-loves-ray-charles.html

2009-04-17T01:25:00.001-06:00

This is how I feel today... heck, who am I kidding - this is me EVERY day!

(except for the whole swinging on a swing in a nightie thing!)

Sometimes it's not just as easy as ABC...

2009-04-16T00:24:00.003-06:00

Here is a video of my Natalie right about the time she turned three years old. I love this video!

Dreams can come true!

2009-04-15T14:50:00.003-06:00

I found this link from Britain's Got Talent. I don't know if it is really that funny, but it is really sweet and will bring a tear to your eye.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

Sorry that I still didn't make it a direct link, I still not sure how to make it work.

Hope you like it!!

Wordless Wednesday...happy tax day!

2009-04-15T00:01:00.000-06:00

The Things Some People Say...

2009-04-14T02:17:00.002-06:00

This quote was said by my friend Ashley when a group of us were sitting around talking. Enjoy!

Ashley: "I really need some extra money."

Darson: "Well, you could always sell your plasma."

Ashley: "Umm, seriously Darson...I don't even have a tv."

:) I hope you got a laugh out of it, because I did!

Monday Memories... My worst date! (or at least one of them!)

2009-04-13T01:44:00.002-06:00

Thanks to my friend, Delaney, for suggesting I pick my brain for funny stories from my single adult dating life. Pretty much anyone who has ever played the "dating game" knows that there has to be several embarrassing things happen in those few years... or in my case, several years. I remember a time when I lived in Flagstaff, while attending Northern Arizona University (for 6 months), and ultimately waiting to meet my hubby. The "pickens" were kind of low there at that school. There was a certain guy, however, who LOVED to date!! His motto was, "Seven days without a date makes one WEAK!" Well, I guess he had to meet his quota for the month, so he asked me out. He was 100% cowboy! He wanted to drive down to Sedona from Flagstaff by taking the old roads through Oak Creek Canyon (or perhaps I don't remember what road it was... but it was a DIRT road and completely crazy - my dad informed me in a comment on this post that Oak Creek Canyon road is not bad... so that must not have been it! anyway... I don't know the name of the road I guess...) to attend the town country swing dance. Sure, I liked to dance, so it sounded fun... until I saw the road we had to take! I have always been one with a low-tolerance for motion. I get car, plane, boat, roller-coaster, or any other "object in motion" sick. The roads were only the width of one car, with one side of the road touching the mountain, and the other side plunging over a cliff. There were also the curviest roads I had personally been on, and this guy must have had every curve memorized, because he didn't slow down for even one of them. Let's just say that by the time we got to the dance, I was EXTREMELY sick! Anyway, I tried to be a good sport, but this was a SWING dance, and this guy liked to "swing his partner ROUND and ROUND," (until she vomits on the ground!). I remember the dance was full of odd middle aged men, and women who seemed to have been happy to just "catch" one of them! I had to take a breather, and sit out a few songs. My date had apparently not seen the green in my face, so he just continued dancing. I remember that he danced with pretty much every other person there! I watched and watched for probably a good hour and a half, and then asked if we could leave. I was still so sick. Well, I convinced my date to just take the regular highway home (it was MUCH faster and straighter) but somehow he managed to curve and swerve just enough that I couldn't take it any more. I told him that he was going to have to pull over... and just in time, he did! I leaned out of the truck and threw up all over. I had to have him pull over another couple of times on the trip home. He never asked me out again!!! Good thing, too, because I never wanted to go to a country swing dance again!!

2009-04-11T15:54:00.003-06:00

Beware of Identity Theft this Easter!!

Watch for Imposters!

2009-04-10T01:56:00.004-06:00

Top 10 Reasons the Easter Bunny Brings Eggs

10. Big tax write-off.

9. Who ever heard of Easter Bricks?

8. Consider all of the varieties: scrambled, over easy, hard boiled, baked in brownies.

7. He gets a good deal from the local chickens if he buys in bulk.

6. Secret plan to eliminate human race by cholesterol overdose.

5. Pressure from the Egg Marketing Board.

4. Because if it brought bottle rockets it would be the Independence Bunny.

3. Would you want to hunt for waffles?

2. He knows that for some guys, these are the only chicks they ever get!

1. Because the Energizer rabbit got the good job.

"Why are you stuffing all that Easter candy into your mouth?"

"Because it doesn't taste as good if I stuff it in my ears."

2009-04-09T00:05:00.002-06:00

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly.

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?

Wordless Wednesday... this one never gets old!

2009-04-08T05:29:00.001-06:00

2009-04-07T16:04:00.001-06:00

I dare you!!!

I dare you not to laugh at this!! Gotta love contagious laughter :)

give the video a minute you'll see what I mean (I forgot to mention...watch it all the way to the end...or skip the middle if you get bored...the end is funny too)

(P.S. I can't figure out how to just show the video so this will take you to youtube...I didn't see anything offensive connected to this (which sometimes happens on youtube so surf youtube at your own risk) I'll try to figure out how to post just the video so you don't have to worry about that (if anyone knows how, please share :)!)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4Y4keqTV6w

Note: I copied this from my friend, Natalie's blog. I think it is hilarious, but I can't take credit!!

Monday Memories...Make me laugh

2009-04-06T00:50:00.000-06:00

Did you ever play "make me laugh" as a kid? Or maybe you called it something like "If you love me baby, smile". Either way, these were some of the great party games of my child/teen hood. You know the game- you have to do something to make another person laugh, but if they laugh, they are it. I have probably played these kinds of games hundreds of times, and became quite a pro at them. This talent for soberness paid off "big-time" for me in my time of need.

It was my 20th birthday and I was still attending Eastern Arizona College. My birthday fell on a weekday, and there was really nothing to do in this small town, so I had not made plans... and apparently, neither had any of my "friends!" Anyway, I had heard of something going on that night at the school auditorium called "Make me Laugh" and was immediately interested. I asked any of my friends or roommates if they wanted to go with me to see what all the hub-bub was about... and since it was my birthday and everything, nobody did. Thanks again, friends of mine. I guess they had a good excuse - there was a really good show on television that they didn't want to miss. Well, being pretty secure with who I was - I didn't need friends. I went alone.

When I got to the auditorium they had everyone draw a ticket at the door. I wasn't sure why, but I soon found out. They started calling people out of the audience to help with the entertainment. My number (surprisingly enough) was the FIRST one called, and so up I went onto the stage in front of at least a couple hundred people. I was told that they were going to try to make me laugh (they had a few comedians there that night that had their own stand-up comedy shows on cable TV) and that if I could go for 30 seconds without laughing, or even smiling, I would be able to spin the money wheel. What? Money was involved? SCORE! I thought back to all my days of trying not to laugh while playing laughing games. My secret was that I always had to concentrate on something really SAD! I remember just sitting there in front of everyone trying to think about death and taxes and things. First, a man comes out from behind the curtain with women's lingerie on over his clothes. He was talking and walking like a woman. So what!? I kept it cool. I remember someone coming right up to my face and picking their nose and saying something stupid. Not funny. So, I spun the money wheel and won a cool $50. WOW, for a poor, job-less student that could bye groceries for a month! Here was the catch: I could take on another 30 seconds and go "double or nothing" with another spin on the wheel. Well, being the dare-devil that I am, (HA) I decided to just go for it! I mean, it was not really that funny, and, well, I kind of rock at this game! So, I can't even remember what they did the second time... It WAS a long time ago! I do remember that it got harder not to laugh, though. I did make it another 30 seconds, and this time I won $100 dollars on the wheel. $150 in just one minute isn't bad!! The night continued for another hour or so, with student after student being called up to try not to laugh. For the "finale" they had planned on having the top 3 "money makers" come back up for one last face off and chance to spin the wheel. It would have been a GREAT plan, but unfortunately NOBODY else that night even made it through their first 30 seconds! I was the only one who had won money at all! So, they called me up and told me that I got to spin the wheel one last time because I was the winner! Did you hear that friends? I was the WINNER! It was my birthday, and I was the winner! I won a total of $200 that night... and what did I do with the money? Groceries? Rent? Tuition? NO WAY! I took a big group of "friends" out for pizza and a night of bowling to celebrate my birthday! Moral of the story? Never let a "good" TV show ruin your fun!

2009-04-05T00:23:00.002-06:00

Subject: Test for Dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.
You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.Ready? GO!!!

(scroll down)

First Question:You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!

If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

Try not to miss the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.

Second Question:If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

Answer:If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

You're not very good at this! Are you?

Third Question:Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.

Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:Mary's father has five daughters:

1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.

What is the name of the fifth daughter?Answer:Nunu?

NO!Of course not. Her name is Mary.

Read the question again Okay, now the bonus round:

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush.By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.

Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself?

He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!

2009-04-04T03:56:00.000-06:00

2009-04-03T07:02:00.001-06:00

Apparently, these first two pairs of shoes are rather comfootable.

2009-04-02T06:51:00.000-06:00

What the...? They make ONE dollar bills!?

Wordless Wednesday...kids can be pretty smart

2009-04-01T06:17:00.001-06:00

2009-03-31T06:43:00.000-06:00

Just thought I'd give you a reason to smile today! Happy Tuesday!

Just be glad your kids aren't doing this...a look back at the Brooksby kid's childhood!

2009-03-30T17:36:00.003-06:00

Here are a few memories I have of a few crazy ideas, or funny things we did as kids, in honor of Monday Memories! Maybe someone will want to add to these, or add details in another entry!

1. Just be glad your kids aren't planning a neighborhood dance in your backyard with out as much as mentioning the idea to you or your spouse. You have to find out about it by looking out the kitchen window only to find your 5 year old slow dancing with her long time crush, and about 70 other kids from the neighborhood including a 13 year old DJ.

2. Just be glad your kids aren't poking holes in every raw egg in the house and blowing all the insides out, then making houses, for their cute little egg families. Of course the thing with egg families is that they have to have egg related/clever names like eggbert, eggwina, egglynn, eggson...you get the idea!

3. Just be glad your kids aren't "digging" a "pool" in the back yard until they realize it is really hard, and then they just leave the mounds of dirt piled all around the back yard, and a hole in the "garden area" about 2 ft. deep, 12 ft. long and 5 ft. wide. And it stays there forever!

4. Just be glad your kids aren't getting you drinks of water from unknown sources!

5. Just be glad your kids aren't having a yard sale and selling lots of YOUR stuff, including a tandum bike that you really kinda wanted.

6. Just be glad your kids aren't painting "Kenny + his poo" on the side of your house in hot pink nail polish.

7. Just be glad your kids aren't burning little holes in the brand new trampoline over and over with a magnifying glass.

8. Just be glad your kids aren't "digging" an underground fort, in the same area that was going to be the "pool", until they realize that it is just as hard as digging a pool, so they leave new mounds of dirt all over the back yard...forever!

9. Just be glad your kids aren't walking to the neighborhood drug store to buy candy with some little friends, and on the way to the drugstore, passing a bum sorting through his trash, and guy without a tongue that always yells at them...but they can't make out why, and a delinquent with very colorful language passing by on his 10 speed. And just be glad your kid's aren't dumpster diving for awesome treasure in the dumpster behind the drug store, and then not telling you anything about any of it, because they know that if they do you will not let them go anymore to the drugstore.

10. Just be glad your kids aren't in the kitchen concocting things such as: Tuna fish mixed with orange juice, butter on cheerios, white sugar on bread, pickle or olive juice popsicles, melted cheese in the microwave,or purposely sitting on a piece of bread to make it really flat before eating it. Yum Yum!

Monday Memories... Party crasher!

2009-03-30T00:37:00.004-06:00

One thing I really have no tolerance for is a show-off. OK, that may be the funniest thing I have posted on this humor blog thus far. Everyone who REALLY knows me knows that I tend to crave the spotlight. I love all eyes on me (or at least I USED to; now days I guess it depends on whether I've showered or not). Anyway, I have always had a bad habit of making a fool out of myself while attempting to be a little bit of a show off. I will give you an example.

It was 1994 and I was living in a 25 year old, completely outdated, single-wide trailer with 3 other girls (paying WAY to much in rent, I'll have you know) while I was attending the AWESOME community college of Eastern Arizona. I know, I know, you are jealous! Well, since we had such a large living area consisting of a good 8 square feet of floor space, surrounded by two card-table chairs and a 1970's, faux suede, mustard-yellow love seat, we simply HAD to entertain. This particular party consisted mostly of "hot" guys that my roommates and I were trying to "woo" with our irresistible good looks and charm (EAC had a ratio of 7 girls for every guy in school... why did I go there again?). Well, at least they were BREATHING guys. So, we turned on music (probably a little "Ace of Base") and just started having a good time dancing and joking around. Well, somewhere in my head I thought that this would be an excellent time to start with my "center of attention" thing.

"Hey, have I ever shown you guys how I can kick the ceiling of this trailer with my foot?" I asked.

The reply came that they had never seen me do that, and that I should do it. I mean, where else were they going to get this kind of entertainment in such a small town?

Well, do you think I REALLY knew how to do what I professed to know how to do? Nope. I did have a fairly impressive high kick, though, that had never really received the attention it deserved, so I figured the time was right and I would give it a go.

Anyway, in order for me to kick the ceiling I was going to have to jump off of the floor...

how hard can that be anyway? I HAD seen Karate Kid a few years before, so NO PROBLEM! I took a huge jump in the air and swung my left foot up to impressively shock my audience with my mad skills, and actually came REALLY close to kicking the ceiling on the way to falling FLAT on my back! I mean FLAT! My shirt, in the process, went flying up over my head, revealing a little more to everyone than I had planned that night! As I pulled down my shirt and gazed up into the eyes of my less than impressed audience, I realized what I had just done! Not only was I embarrassed beyond my wildest dreams, I was just sure I had broken my back in the process! I couldn't feel it at all! I tried to laugh it off (since obviously I was with a bunch of dumb college kids, so not a single person was concerned for me, in fact, they couldn't stop laughing) but I couldn't hold back the tears. I realized that my back felt really strange, but I was able to move it slightly. As I finally made it up off of the floor, I noticed that my feet were all wobbly and wiggly. Oh, NO! I had broken something! As I looked down I saw that I had indeed, broken something!! I had broken a HUGE hole in my trailer floor! The only thing keeping me from falling through about 4 feet down and landing on the cement, was the CARPET! Well, if you thought I was mortified before, you should have seen me now! I was ready to DIE! I just wanted to run to my awesome 5X6.5 shared bedroom and climb up onto my top bunk and cry myself to sleep! How would I ever show my face at this school again? How was I going to explain that hole in the floor to my landlord?!

How could I have been so dumb?! Well, Duh!

So, I didn't go to school for a couple of days. Run away from your problems, that's what I always say!! My back honestly hurt that bad, anyway. And as for telling the landlord, I did what I almost always do in hard predicaments: I procrastinated. I moved our coffee table to cover the hole so nobody would fall in it. When company came over I had to make up a story about the odd placement of the coffee table being part of my psychology experiment or something like that... (Hey, too bad Feng Shui hadn't been heard of yet, that would have made more sense!) I tried and tried for several weeks to get the courage to tell my landlord. I finally mentioned that I had "fallen" in the trailer - you know, in a rather nonchalant way, and wondered if he would come take a look at it. Well, he did. And do you know what he found? Termites. They were everywhere. They had been eating at this trailer for years and had completely destroyed most of the floor. So, it wasn't my fault the floor broke. That is my story and I am sticking to it. But if you wonder if I was still able to win the heart of any of the guys at the party (or any others at that school, for that matter) I would have to say, "None of them were good enough for me anyway!" Ha ha!

Why Women are Tired...

2009-03-28T07:14:00.001-06:00

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, "I'm tired, and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed." She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails. Dad called out, "I thought you were going to bed." "I'm on my way," she said. She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list... She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals. About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. "I'm going to bed." And he did...without another thought.

2009-03-27T07:43:00.000-06:00

Be honest... how many times did you click on it? I clicked two times.

2009-03-26T01:16:00.001-06:00

RETARDED GRANDPARENTS - (this was actually reported by a teacher)

After Christmas, a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school.

One child wrote the following:

We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick housebut Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida .. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore.

They go to a building called a wreck center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well.

There is a swimming pool too, but they all jump up and down in it with hats on.

At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out, and go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night --- early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck.

My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren.

PRICELESS !!!

Wordless Wednesday... hating thy neighbor

2009-03-25T06:34:00.000-06:00

Little miss attitude!

2009-03-24T06:58:00.000-06:00

My sister, Andrea was here visiting from Arizona last week. We, of course, had to do everything with my children, so it was probably one of the most tiring spring breaks she has ever had! I laughed when I saw this priceless picture that Andrea got of my sweet little 2 year old! She is the EPITOME of Terrible Twos! Check out that look - that is one she gives us on a regular basis. Too funny!

Monday Memories...Canned Food Drive

2009-03-23T08:24:00.003-06:00

I tell this story with the hope that my mom and dad will forgive my actions. Perhaps I need to start off every one of these "Monday's Memories" this way! I am sure they may not even remember this, as it happened 25 years ago, but I would hate to think that I am bringing up something that was completely and totally humiliating to them. I also hate to think that there are so many things that I have done that they know nothing about. How did that happen, anyway? I guess growing up in what is now considered "the olden days" I was free to wander and roam of my own free will. That being said, Have I ever mentioned that I grew up kind of poor? OK, maybe really poor. Oh sure, as for the things that REALLY mattered, I was rich. I had wonderful, loving parents and grandparents that blessed my life so much. I had best friends for siblings... and I wouldn't change a THING about my childhood looking back on it. Hey, wait... this is a HUMOR blog, what I am doing?

Well, one year my elementary school was doing a canned food drive. You know, we all walked around our neighborhoods asking people to donate to the needy and hungry. It was great and I remember receiving A LOT of food for the food drive. This sparked an interest in food drives for me. I had never done anything like this before. It all seemed so easy. So, since MY family's pantry seemed a little low on everything except beans and rice from the food storage, it was time for a food drive for us. So, that's exactly what I did. I remember taking my little red wagon door to door telling them that I was on a food drive for my family. I explained our family situation and how we really didn't have anything good in our pantry that others' had in theirs. I had been deprived of such delicacies as "Spaghetti-Os" and other artificial foods. I remember some of the people told me that they didn't have anything. I guess I would do the same thing to someone at my door now. I do, however, remember receiving several cans of food and being quite pleased with what I came home with. I secretly put them in the pantry and hoped that someone would notice that there were two extra cans of cream of mushroom soup, a can of peaches and some sweetened condensed milk. Nobody ever said anything. I just felt good about what I had done - I didn't need the praise of my parents!

2009-03-21T16:36:00.003-06:00

2009-03-20T08:16:00.001-06:00

2009-03-19T20:21:00.000-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-18T19:18:00.001-06:00

Monday Memories...My DAD'S lesson learned

2009-03-16T07:03:00.005-06:00

My parents always tried to teach us kids the value of a dollar. I remember my Dad teaching me how to use a lawn edger at a pretty young age (about ten) and telling me to take it door to door and tell people I would edge their yards for a couple of bucks. I remember doing it - begrudgingly. I was never the "salesman" type. I would have been much more comfortable saying, "Hey, let me edge your yard as a random act of kindness," or better yet: "Hey, I will pay you a dollar if you let me practice my lawn edging skills on your front yard," but asking people to pay me was a problem. Still is to this day!

I remember one time, while visiting the local "Costco" type store, my Dad asked me if I wanted to learn a little about making money. He showed me a huge box of candy bars (I still remember, they were Butterfingers) and said that he would buy me that entire box of about 50 candy bars, and I could turn around and sell them to people, any way I saw fit, and I could keep the profit earned after paying my dues back to him. I remember thinking it may not be the greatest idea to give a ten year old girl 50 candy bars... especially one who already made it clear she was not the "salesman" type, as well as one who was fairly "junk food" deprived. Now, I realize that is not a real deprivation, but if it had been one, I would have had it. I did grow up as a poor little white girl, you know, (not to be mistaken with the increasingly popular "poor little white-trash girl" - she's had plenty of junk food). Anyway - I decided to go in on the business endeavor with my father. He bought the candy bars, gave them to me and told me to have fun. I only remember eating two of the candy bars myself... but I didn't even sell ONE of them! I just couldn't ask my friends to PAY me for something that I was so excited to just GIVE them! It was well worth the $10 my Dad had paid to have such a good feeling in my heart and to make so many peoples' days a little happier (as much as a free candy bar can!) Dad, I still plan on paying you back someday when I have ten bucks to spare!

2009-03-14T05:41:00.000-06:00

I know I posted some of these on my family blog about a year ago so some of you may have seen these already. I love them though, and they are so funny to me (probably because I can relate to them at this point in my life). Enjoy!

This is SERIOUSLY my motto! (above)

How true it is! :)

Motivation Posters

2009-03-13T19:51:00.003-06:00

2009-03-13T10:38:00.001-06:00

When Librarians Rebel...

2009-03-12T07:47:00.000-06:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-11T06:25:00.000-06:00

2009-03-10T07:51:00.000-06:00

Favoritism at it's finest

Monday Memories... I should have been a hobo

2009-03-09T07:12:00.000-06:00

So, referring again to my cloudy brain for some humor, I was reminded of a story that I haven't thought about in years. I was about 8 years old, and my friend and I would walk to the Skaggs drug store that was just down a few houses from ours to the end of the street, and then across a dirt field, which we lovingly referred to as "Skaggs field". I spent every single penny I earned (which wasn't much, I'll have you know), at this drug store buying such wonderful things as gum and candy, nail polish and fake nails, lip gloss and stickers. I would also buy the occasional fake flower to give to my grandma or someone for their birthday, or carnival supplies for some random carnival I was throwing in my backyard for everyone I knew. I don't know why I did those things. Anyway, my friend and I would walk down the make-up isles at Skaggs and just dream of the time when we would be old enough to really WEAR the make-up. They used to have samples of make-up out back then... which thinking back on it was GROSS. I mean, lipstick samples that you run your finger through and then put on your lips, and then someone else runs their finger through later and puts on their lips. Seriously don't wonder why that isn't the "norm" anymore. Anyway, we started to wonder about all of these samples and what ever happened to them. Then one day, my friend, who was also a little bit (or a lot) more adventurous than I was, decided to climb in the garbage dumpsters in the back of the store looking for some of those "treasures" that were probably being thrown away. After a little persuasion, I joined her, and we found all kinds of things to take home and clutter up our rooms with. I remember we found a WHOLE bunch of make up samples that we took home. Two little girls' dreams were coming true right there in that garbage dumpster. We also found some food and candy that had expired dates on it... but had never been opened. Score! I think for the next year we searched those dumpsters regularly for treasures, I think the word got out though, because pretty soon other neighborhood kids had things from the dumpster, too, so it was harder to find the real treasures. Looking back on it, I don't think we had any idea that it was so filthy and disgusting and made us look like hobos. No, in our little eight-year-old eyes, we were just living a life full of adventure and surprises. Garbage dumpsters have been a tad bit tempting ever since. I knew I should have been a hobo!

Watch Out for Big Bird!

2009-03-07T08:51:00.006-07:00

A friend of ours told us this story about when he was a young father trying to get through school and working whatever jobs he could find. He took a job at a local mall walking around in a Big Bird costume. The costume was very tall, and he looked out from between the wings. The mall had lost some of the support structure for Big Bird's head, so he had to have a broomstick strapped to his back to hold the head up. It was very hot and uncomfortable.

One day, he was walking around the mall waving at children when he saw a group of 10-ish boys. They saw him and waved. He waved back. One of the kids approached him and our friend lifted his wings for a hug. The boy walked right up to him and kicked him hard in the shin! Then the boy laughed and ran away. As our friend puts it, these kids were of the age that it wasn't enough to not like Big Bird anymore; they had to prove to their peers that they hated Big Bird.

A few minutes later, another one of the kids in the group came over to give Big Bird a hug, but instead he kicked him in the shin, too! Well, that was enough for our friend. He kept an eye on that group after that.

Several minutes later, he saw another one of the kids coming toward him from the side. Our friend just kept Big Bird turned sideways while watching the kid from the side of the eye slot. When the boy got very close, Big Bird spread his wings and grabbed the kid and pulled him very close in a tight hug. He then spoke to the boy and said:

"Listen, kid. I have an advantage over you, and that is that you don't know what I look like outside this costume. But I know what you look like, and I will be getting off work a little later. I will follow you around, and you won't know it's me. I will remember you. And as soon as I get you alone, maybe in the parking lot, I will give you a beating you won't forget. It may not even be today, but I will remember you. So if you're smart, you will leave me alone, and you will convince your friends to leave me alone, too. You understand me, kid?"

He let the kid go, and he ran away. That was the last trouble he had with any of those children. That was the last time any of them attacked Big Bird. They probably still have Big Bird nightmares.

2009-03-06T08:13:00.002-07:00

So, I found this website called line upon line cards. I shouldn't tell you about it, because I think I may start buying my birthday cards and things from here, but I just had to share. Here is a sample of the humor you will find there.I love it!

Elephants Never Forget

2009-03-05T11:27:00.000-07:00

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephant's foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down his foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.

Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter's legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.

What if advertisers told the truth?

2009-03-05T07:05:00.000-07:00

Wordless Wednesday

2009-03-04T20:15:00.002-07:00

Check this out!

2009-03-02T21:18:00.002-07:00

I thought this was a funny story. Sorry, I would just copy and paste the whole story, but the pictures won't copy. So just look here http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29462344. It made me literally laugh out loud! I hope you enjoy it.
~Andrea

Monday Memories... Crazy Crush!

2009-03-02T06:23:00.002-07:00

Have you ever had a crush on someone? I mean a REALLY bad crush that didn't go away for quite a while?! Well, I have. And, I know most of you are not surprised by that fact. Well, I was in 8th grade and I had a crush on the most interesting Senior in High School I had ever had a conversation with. No doubt, he was the ONLY senior in High School I had ever had a conversation with! And looking back now, I really wonder why he even gave me the time of day. I think (OK, I maybe even KNOW) it was because he was really weird. Anyway, that is neither here, nor there. To the story then...

Valentine's Day was coming up, and because I really only had eyes for one person at that time, (which was rare for me growing up, believe me!) I had to do SOMETHING for him! We weren't dating by any means. I mean, I was in 8th grade for crying out loud! But, he did still go to all the church dances as a senior (see weird comment above), and he did have access to a car, so he took me with him; just the two of us sometimes. And, he did dance with me sometimes (OK, so maybe mostly on the fast songs), so it was love, right!?

Anyway, I came up with this great idea to decorate his bedroom for Valentines Day with all sorts of balloons and candy and hearts. I got this great big blow-up heart (just like the picture above) that said "I'm yours" on it. I also got one of those HUGE 2 feet tall cards that says "Here's lookin' at you, Valentine... and you're lookin' GOOD!" in which I poured out my innermost feelings of love for this boy. I was friends with this guy's sister, so it wasn't hard to decorate his room. "In fact", I thought, "I should hide in his closet until he gets home from school and then when he gets home I'll jump out and say 'Happy Valentine's Day, I'm yours'. Yeah, that would be PERFECT!" So, that's exactly what I did. I remember hiding in his closet (the main motive was actually because I was afraid his mom would come in his room) for probably close to an hour. Finally, the time was here. He was home!! Feelings of self-doubt began to fill my entire body! Was I setting myself up for complete and utter humiliation? Should I even have decorated his bedroom in the first place? And why did I think hiding in the closet was just the extra touch this whole thing needed? (Oh sure, NOW you start using your head, Emily!) but it was TOO late. So, I did it. I jumped out. I put myself out there. And you know what he did? He laughed. Then he asked me if I had made some of the candy I'd put all over his room, myself. As if I just happened to know how to "whip up" cinnamon gummy hearts from scratch! I remember that an awkward silence filled his bedroom as I stood there watching him do nothing. I guess I expected him to embrace me and tell me that he felt the same way I did, and that even though I still had a couple of years until I was allowed to date, and he would well into his mission by then, that he would wait for me. Our love would endure the test of time! Anyway, it wasn't long after this happened that I decided it wasn't "meant to be" for the two of us. The funny thing is that this individual didn't get married until he was quite a bit into that "menace to society" stage, and a few times in our adulthood when I accidentally ran into him, he commented to me that he still had that big blow up heart I gave him, as if to say, "I'm still here for the taking!" I knew at that point, that he WAS weird. Sorry, if you know him. Sorry, if you love him... he was just a tad bit weird. But, hey, after THIS story, no doubt you are questioning who the REAL weird-o is. I am not even going to try and deny it!

Maybe this man needs to seek the help of Pres. Obama...

2009-02-28T07:23:00.001-07:00

This is a real newspaper article printed in a small local paper near Tucson, Arizona. I found it back about 10 years ago and filed it away, and just remembered it this week. It is hilarious!!

Man denied reimbursement for cat eaten by coyotes

by Howard Fischer
Capitol Media Services

PHOENIX- Arizona taxpayers aren't going to fork out $328.21 to a Marana man who discovered too late a law of nature: Coyotes are higher on the food chain than house cats.

Members of the state Game and Fish Commission told Wallace Burford Friday that they were indeed very sorry that one or two of the state's approximately 250,000 coyotes had killed his cat. And, they said, they were sure that the amount he sought - the cost of moving Jake the cat to Arizona two years ago, getting his shots and, eventually, cremating what the coyotes left behind - would not truly compensate him for his loss.

But no, they said, it is not the responsibility of the state of Arizona to reimburse him for the actions of wild animals.

The commission's unanimous decision left Burford, who brought the ashes of Jake to the meeting in a small plastic box, less than satisfied. He said his next step will be to file suit in small claims court - and maybe even move out of the state.

"He was no ordinary cat," said Burford, saying Jake would walk with him "just like a dog." Burford said he paid to have Jake flown out here from Virginia when the family moved to the Tucson area in May 1999, concerned the cat would not like the cross-country trip.

But no one told him to keep Jake indoors. Days after the cat arrived, Burford found it - or what was left of it - beside the road.

Burford suggested warning signs for newcomers. But commissioner Sue Chilton said it's not that simple.

"It would be well if they were informed of a lot of things," she said, including scorpions and rattlesnakes, all sorts of things they may not have had back in Virginia. But failure to do that doesn't make the state liable, she said.

Burford also questioned why the state doesn't feed the coyotes "so they're not eating people's cats."

"Our policy is not to feed wild animals," responded commission Chairman Dennis Manning.

"We are deeply sorry," commissioner Hays Gilstrap told Burford. "However, this is not without precedent - that these sorts of things happen to domestic cats and dogs."

Burford got no support for his claim from the Sierra Club, which has sometimes found itself at odds with the hunting and fishing crowd. Sandy Bahr, the organization's lobbyist, said the club opposes using tax dollars to pay when a wild animal kills something that isn't native, whether that be a calf or a cat.

My Favorite Picture...

2009-02-27T07:15:00.001-07:00

Remember when you needed a good picture, so you would take about a hundred and hope that when you developed them, one of them would turn out well enough to put in a wedding invitation? Well, I do! And THIS is what we got. No, this is not the one we put in the invitation, but we have SEVERAL that are almost this bad! (not the photographers fault, by the way.... she was great!) I have never shown this picture to anyone, but since I have decided to laugh at myself more as part of this healing humor blog... here it is: My favorite picture of the hubby and me. I can honestly say that I am SOOO thankful for the digital camera!

No words for this one...

2009-02-26T00:09:00.000-07:00

This is probably one of the strangest things I have ever seen. Basically, Peeps at the Public Library. Yeah, Peeps, the marshmallow treats you get at Easter, that I usually hate, but sometimes will eat if they are nice and stale. Bizarre! You can see all of the crazy pictures here if you really have nothing better to do. Surely, you do.

Arriving to the library in style
Checking out the computer system first to find the book they are looking for
Catching up on some light reading
Xeroxing their rear-ends on the copy machine
Realizing that wasn't a good idea

Getting a lecture about obeying library rules

"Don't do it, Francine!"

Luckily, her head can just be smooshed back on.
A pee-ing Peep? (I wonder if she saw the hidden camera)
Bye, for now! Come back real soon, ya hear!

This is how I feel today...

2009-02-25T07:00:00.002-07:00

I am all funnied out for the day. Your turn. Anybody want to make me laugh? Anyone? By the way, if you want to be a contributor on this blog, leave your email address in the comments. (I am speaking as though there is anyone who looks at this blog). Even the people who are named as contributors don't look at it. Oh well, it makes ME search for humor in my day, and that is a good thing, right?

For Sale!

2009-02-24T13:09:00.006-07:00

Here are a few of the random items you can actually purchase. I don't know how people come up with the ideas for some of these!

Inflatable moose head
I need this shirt!!

I DON'T need this shirt - gross!

Sponge Microphone - "Jeremiah was a bullfrog!" (That's for you, MOM!)

Sick and cool at the same time

These would make a great gag gift!

"My lips hurt real bad!"

"THE EX SET"

Only $69.99 on Overstock.com - a small price to pay for such pleasure!

Nothing says "Squeaky Clean" like the taste of bacon!

"YOU ARE HERE" doormat

NAIL TOOTHPICKS

Voodoo Doll toothpick holder.

Monday Memories...

2009-02-23T12:17:00.004-07:00

To help me come up with funny things for this blog, I decided I would go to my memories. I have a whole mind full of embarrassing things that have happened to me... not to mention plenty of stupid decisions that I can laugh at NOW! So, for starters ladies and gentlemen... one of the most embarrassing things that has ever happened to me!! It was 1999 and I was working at R&K (see a few posts ago for how I felt about that job!) It was my last day (or so I thought... I ended up working there again a year later after I was married, and then again when Jackson was almost a year old - third time's a charm!) Anyway, I was going through a really hard time, and was seeking a new life in a new town. As a joke for my last day, a few of my fellow door shop employees got together and hired me a stripper. Nope, I am not even kidding! Unfortunately, they all knew me well enough to know I wasn't the "Molly Mormon" I sometimes came across as, and they knew I wouldn't get offended! Anyway, he came in acting like a customer and had me take him out to the shop where our doors were located. As I was walking out, a girl that I worked with handed me an envelope full of one dollar bills and told me that I would be needing those. Ummmm... I didn't have any idea why (and let it be known that I did not use even ONE of those dollars!) Anyway, after talking to me for a bit, the fake customer/professional stripper sat me down, turned on some music, and told me what he was there to do. At that point I looked over and saw close to a hundred of my fellow workers watching me! (seems the word got out that there was a stripper in the door shop and people came running from every department.) In this first picture I am trying to talk him out of doing this. I explained that I was a good girl and didn't want him to do this. He told me that he had been paid to strip and he was going to. By this point I was about to throw up. Looking back I should have walked away, but I didn't know what to do! Anyway... here are a few priceless pics that someone snatched of the event. After this happened, R&K (which was LDS owned and had many LDS employees) put a "No strippers at work" clause in their handbook - up until this happened they didn't know they needed one!!

"This is not happening! This is NOT happening!"

LADLE RAT ROTTEN HUT UNDER RATCHET WOOF

2009-02-22T21:33:00.001-07:00

Wants pawn term, dare worsted ladle gull hoe lift wetter murder inner ladle cordage honor itch offer ledge, dock florist. Disc ladle gull orphan worry ladle cluck wetter putty ladle rat hut, end fur dish raisin pimple caulder Ladle Rat Rotten Hut.
Wan moaning Rat Rotten Hut’s murder colder inset, “Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, heresy ladle basking winsome burden barter end shirker cockles. Tick disk basking tudor cordage offer groin murder hoe lifts honor udder site offer florist. Shaker lake, dun stopper laundry wrote, end yonder nor sorghum stenches dun stopper torque wet strainers.”
“Hoe cake, Murder,” resplendent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut, end tickle ladle basking an stuttered oft. Honor rote tudor cordage offer groin murder, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut mitten anomalous woof.
“Wail, wail, wail,” set disk wicket woof, “Evanescent Ladle Rat Rotten Hut! Wares oar putty gull goring wizard ladle basking?”
“Armor goring tumor groin murders,” reprisal ladle gull. “Grammars seeking bet. Armor ticking arson burden barter end shirker cockles.”
“O Hoe! Heifer blessing woke,” setter wicket woof. Butter taught tomb shelf, “Oil ketchup wetter letter. End den – O bore!”
Soda wicket woof tucker shirt court, end whinney retched a cordage offer groin murder, picket inner widow end sore debtor pore oil worming worse lion inner bet. Inner flesh disk abdominal woof lipped honor betting adder rope. Zany pool dawn a groin murder’s nut cup end gnat gun, any cordle dope inner bet.
Inner ladle wile, Ladle Rat Rotten Hut a raft adder cordage offer groin murder end ranker dough ball.
“Comb ink, sweat hard,” setter wicket woof, disgracing is verse. Ladle Rat Rotten Hut entity bet rum end stud buyer groin murder’s bet.
“Oh grammar,” crater ladle gull, “wart bag icer gut! A nervous sausage bag ice.”
“Buttered lucky chew wiff, doling,” whiskered disk ratchet woof, wetter wicket small.
“Oh grammar!” crater ladle gull. Water bag noise! A nervous sore sausage anomalous prognosis!”
“Buttered small hue whiff,” inserter woof, ants mouse worse waddling.
“Oh grammar, water bag mousey gut! A nervous sore suture bag mouse!”
Daze worry on forger nut gulls less warts. Oil offer sodden throne offer carvers end sprinkling otter bet, disk curl end bleat Thursday woof cease pore Ladle Rat Rotten Hut end garbled erupt.
Mural: Yonder nor sorghum stenches shut ladle gulls stopper torque wet strainers.

- Everett Cooke

I have to admit...

2009-02-21T20:32:00.005-07:00

I love reading church billboards! Here are some great ones. The fourth one down kind of hit home with me!

Fun with Meat...

2009-02-20T10:04:00.003-07:00

Here are a few things I've found recently that made me laugh

Bacon Vs. Soy action figures - AWESOME!

2009-02-19T23:16:00.003-07:00

Q: What do you give a dog with a fever?

A: Ketchup and Mustard are the best things for a "hot" dog.

(This joke brought to you courtesy of Jackson, 7 years old.)

When in doubt... laugh at the expense of others

2009-02-18T19:37:00.007-07:00

My sister has a little bit of a "trailer trash" phobia. (By the way, the above picture is not of my sister... ) She won't hang car air fresheners from her rear-view mirror or eat cheese from a can. I, on the other hand, have learned to embrace the role of trailer trash, and I have to tell ya, it's really not that bad. In fact, I would almost call it "liberating". So, to honor my fellow "trashies" (as only I call them) here is a little humor for ya.

"Trophy" Wife

"Cup holder"

No horse power
Redneck jet ski

How to throw a trailer trash themed party – By the way, I am TOTALLY throwing this party someday!!

Step1
Send unique invitations. Incorporate details such as the date, time and place to reflect your Trailer Trash theme. For example, write the invites on old newspapers and say funny things like, "clothing, teeth and mullet optional."
Step2
Prepare Trailer Trash food and drinks. Lay out a spread of pork rinds, chips, dips, Vienna sausages, cheese curls, Spam and squeeze cheese. For beverages, a keg of rootbeer is a necessity, as well as trash can punch.
Step3
Play the right music to set the mood. Make some mix CDs to play during your Trailer Trash themed party that include country music, southern rock, John Cougar Mellencamp, Springsteen, Van Halen, Black Sabbath, Kid Rock or any music that says "Trailer Trash" to you.
Step4
Decorate your home in the Trailer Trash theme. Cover the windows in aluminum foil and old cartoon character sheets. Put Christmas lights up around the front porch. Hang a clothes line covered in old, holey socks, t-shirts, bras and underwear. Posters of swimsuit models and race cars are a good touch as well.
Step5
Wear the perfect Trailer Trash costume. Do your hair in a big style, in curlers or a mullet. Women can wear heavy, cheap eye makeup and lipstick. Other good costume pieces include tacky jewelry, caftans, dirty acid-washed jeans, cut offs, old white tank tops, visible underwear, bandannas, cowboy hats, big belt buckles, anything made of lycra, sparkly kitten sweatshirts and alcohol promotional t-shirts and hats.
Step6

Organize Trailer Trash games and entertainment. Have a male wet t-shirt contest, a spitting contest and an obligatory chugging contest. Have your guests vote for the king and queen of the trailer park. Set up a TV and play videos of Jerry Springer, Cops, NASCAR and hunting shows.

A classic Dave Barry my Dad sent me years ago... hilarious!

2009-02-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

If you're a new parent, there will come a time when either you or your spouse will say these words:

''Let's take the baby to a restaurant!''

Now, to a normal, sane person, this statement is absurd. It's like saying:

''Let's take a moose to the opera!''

But neither you nor your spouse will see anything inappropriate about the idea of taking your baby to a restaurant. This is because, as new parents, you are experiencing a magical period of wonder, joy and possibility that has made you really stupid. You are not alone: All new parents undergo a sharp drop in intelligence. It's nature's way of enabling them to form an emotional bond with a tiny human who relates with other humans exclusively by spitting up on them. Even very smart parents are affected, as we see from these two quotations:
Albert Einstein Shortly Before The Birth Of His Son: ''To know that what is impenetrable to us really exists, manifesting itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, which our dull faculties can comprehend only in their most primitive forms -- this knowledge, this feeling, is at the center of true religiousness.''
Albert Einstein Shortly After The Birth Of His Son: ''Daddy's gonna EAT THESE WIDDLE TOES!''
After a month or so of bonding with their baby, the typical parents have the combined IQ of a charcoal briquette. This is when they decide it's OK to take the baby to a restaurant. I know what I'm talking about: My wife and I have a baby daughter, and we have repeatedly taken her to restaurants, even though by now experience should have taught us that it would be far more pleasant and relaxing for us to stay home and play tic-tac-toe on our foreheads with a soldering iron.
But we cannot help ourselves, and neither can you, if you're a new parent. That's why today I'm presenting these Helpful Tips For Dining Out With A Baby:

1. THE INSTANT YOU GET TO THE RESTAURANT, ASK FOR THE CHECK. You want to be able to pay and get out of there as quickly as possible when your baby screams, or decides -- as babies instinctively do, in restaurants -- to grunt out an impossibly large output, such that you experience a dreaded condition known to diaper scientists as Projectile Huggies Leakage (PHL). So it's best to pay your bill as you enter the restaurant, adding a little extra (say, $800) to compensate for the fact that after you're finished, your table may have to be burned. Some parents never actually enter the restaurant: They simply drive up to the front door, hurl money out the car window, then speed off, their baby wailing like an ambulance siren in the night.

2. REQUEST A TABLE IN A LOCATION THAT WILL NOT DISTURB OTHER DINERS. For example, if you want to eat at an elegant restaurant in New York City, you should try to get a table on the roof. Or, better still, at a Bob's Big Boy in Cleveland.

3. SELECT AN APPROPRIATE CUISINE. Of the wide variety of cuisines available today -- Italian, French, Chinese, Tiny Portions Of Meat With Some Kind Of Inedible Decorative Stuff Dribbled On The Plate In A Pattern As If It Were An Art Project Instead Of A Meal -- I would say that the best kind of cuisine, for the parent of a small baby, is a cuisine that you can eat with one hand. You, of course, need the other hand to keep putting things into your baby's mouth, so your baby can spit them out (a baby is not happy unless it is emitting something from somewhere). In fact, you may need both hands for this activity, so you might want to order an entree that you can eat with no hands, sporadically lunging your face down to your plate and snorking up food Labrador-retriever style. You will not have time to taste anything. Restaurant employees know this, and sometimes, for fun, they serve prank entrees to new parents, to see if they'll notice. A Boston restaurant recently got a new father, distracted by a small baby, to eat a whisk broom covered with melted cheese.
At least he ate something. Sometimes I spend the entire meal carrying my daughter around the restaurant, crossing paths with other nomadic parents carrying THEIR children around, each of us leaving a trail of drool. Our big night out! It may not sound like fun to you, but we parents of newborns are able to enjoy it because of our philosophy of life, which can be summed up by the immortal words penned by William Shakespeare shortly after the birth of his first child: ''Woogum woogum WOOGUM WOOGUM WOOGUM!''